


The Ink On Our Skin Stains Us Black

by InsaneRedDragon



Category: Kingsman (Movies), Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tattoos, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Depressed Harry, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Multi, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Tattoo Artist Eggsy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-15 21:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7238542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneRedDragon/pseuds/InsaneRedDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy tapped his pencil a couple of times on the sketchbook, eyes unfocused as he thought. Looking up, he caught and held Harry's eyes. “Do you trust me?”</p>
<p>Harry looked back at Eggsy and a snap of electricity seemed to spark between them. “Yes,” he replied without hesitation.</p>
<p>From his chair next to Harry, Merlin raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Harry didn’t trust people. Life as a spy had ingrained in him a general distrust of most things. When someone did gain his trust, it was never fast, never with so much genuine emotion bleeding through. There was more lingering there under the surface, more than just Harry trusting Eggsy to come up with the right design. At the thought, Merlin felt a warmth in his chest he had not been expecting.</p>
<p>-–</p>
<p>The tattoo!au where Merlin and Harry are a couple, Eggsy becomes Merlin’s new tattoo artist, and the boys all refuse to talk to each other about the attraction that grows between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my very first fanfic ever, and I have no idea what I'm doing. I'll do my best to update as quickly as possible, but I'm a slow writer. So if a delay between chapters bothers you, you may want to wait until the whole thing is complete. Right now I've planned for 9 chapters, but who knows how chatty the boys may end up being.
> 
> Big thank you to [elletromil](http://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil) for her Merhartwin fics that finally convinced me to try my hand at my own.
> 
> Not beta'd or brit picked. If any of you lovely people are interested in helping me out in either of these departments, send me a message!

Merlin paused, his face stilling for a moment while his mind raced on. Antony was retiring. Merlin had come to the studio expecting to drink some scotch, tell Antony his request, and get some quick sketches to consider before his next appointment. Instead, Antony told him he was retiring from the studio, and that he wanted to introduce Merlin to his apprentice, Eggsy. Merlin hadn't gone to another artist in almost 19 years. Nearly 40 tattoos worth of Antony's art lived on his skin. A moment was required to let the significance of the change settle in.

"Eggsy has been training for quite a while now, and he's got some impressive talent," Antony said. "You know how much I respect you. I wouldn't suggest that you meet with Eggsy if I didn't think that he'd work well with you. He has an edge that I think you'll appreciate."

"Aye, but it don' mean I need tae be bloody pleased about it, Antony." Merlin shifted closer, clapping the man on the shoulder and leaning in to his ear to say softly, “But if anyone deserves it, it's you.”

Straightening up with a smile, Merlin gave Antony's shoulder a squeeze. “Now, where's this lad you're so keen for me to meet.”

\--

Eggsy was busy cleaning his area from his last appointment when Antony approached from the front of the studio. As he looked up, his hands paused over the stand he was disinfecting when his eyes caught on the tall, bald man walking next to his boss. Antony had said he was going to be bringing one of his clients by for a consultation with Eggsy; he thought Eggsy'd be a good fit for him once Antony left the studio, but Eggsy was anxious about taking over one of Antony's long time clients. Eggsy's opportunity at Permanent Record had been a rare moment that he felt indebted to Antony for, and he wanted to do the man proud. 

Eggsy'd had a penchant for drawing since he was 6 years old. Lee had encouraged him, bringing home art supplies when he could and always keeping one of Eggsy's newest drawings tucked in his things when he was away with his squad. After Lee died, art was an outlet that helped Eggsy navigate his grief. Then, Dean appeared in their lives and Eggsy quickly became acquainted with Dean's thoughts on art. After Dean found the sketchbooks Eggsy had forgotten to put away on his desk, Eggsy had taken to only keeping a small sketchbook and a couple of ink pens in his jacket pocket. (The result of that slip up had been Eggsy watching Dean sneer as he'd burnt all the sketchbooks in the sink and then walking around for a fortnight with a concussion and a black eye because was he “a bloody fuckin' poof?”)

So 2 years ago, when Eggsy had been approached by Antony, he'd been thankful he'd had what would amount to his portfolio already with him. Eggsy had found himself sketching on a napkin while waiting for a kebob; Antony had walked into the restaurant, and the cook had looked up to give him a friendly smile.

“The usual, Tone?” the man asked and received a smile and a nod in return. Eggsy, who had looked up when Antony had entered, returned to his sketch. Antony casually paced the restaurant as he waited, and he glanced down at Eggsy's table as he passed. He paused mid stride as he took in the image that was forming on the napkin. Sensing the man hovering at his shoulder, Eggsy slid his hand away to give his admirer a better view of his picture.

Grey shifted into black as the ink swirled up and into the tail of a phoenix. Even though there was no colour, it was easy to see the shimmer to the flames and the brightness of the feathers. It was still sketchy, likely never to be more than as incomplete idle drawing on a takeaway napkin, but Eggsy was still taking his time, thinking about each line as if the final piece was to be hung in a gallery.

“Like what'cha see, bruv?” Eggsy says, teasing tone to his voice in an attempt to distract from the blush creeping up his neck. He was used to people seeing his work and giving him a compliment here or there, but they always moved on, always just a courtesy. But this man was still standing there, eyes locked on the phoenix, not moving or speaking, with a strangely serious expression on his face.

He shook his head quickly, like he was clearing his head, he looked up to meet Eggsy's eyes. “I'm Antony. What's your name?”

And just like that, they were chatting. Antony took the seat across from him, and when Antony asked if he had more work that he could see, Eggsy hesitantly pulled out his sketchbook and passed it over. “I don't really keep much of my work, but that's most of what I've done recently. I don't really get the chance to work in colour much, but I guess that means that I'm not half bad at black and white stuff.” Antony took his time looking over each page, and after what felt like an eternity he closed the small black book and handed it back to Eggsy.

“Do you have a job?”

“Uh, well, not really. I guess I'm kinda working for my stepdad, yeah? But he's an arse, and I'd much rather be doing something else, ya know?”

“Eggsy, I think you should consider doing something with your art. You are very talented, your line work is really sharp and strong, and I think with some training you could have a promising future. I own the tattoo parlour next door, and I'd like to offer you an opportunity”

Antony explained about becoming his apprentice. Normally apprentices pay the studio for their experience, but Antony told Eggsy that he didn't want that to keep him from accepting his offer. Instead, Eggsy would work around the studio for free while he learned, and then as he got more experienced he could start taking on his own clients.

“You ain't taking the piss are you?” Eggsy asked, his eyes wide and this expression full of disbelief. Nothing this good had ever come his way before, and he was sure that he was asleep, about to be viciously awoken by Dean pounding on the door for him to get his lazy arse out of bed.

But it wasn't a dream. Eggsy agreed to think about it, and then come to the studio to let Antony know. He showed up the next day and told Antony that he wouldn't regret giving Eggsy this opportunity. And he'd worked his arse off those 2 years, learning and working and getting damn good at what he does, and now he was finally starting to get clients of his own.

So now, here he was, being offered another opportunity by the man. Only this time it felt even more important. All of Antony's clients that Eggsy had had the chance to meet had been good people, but so far Antony hadn't felt they were a good enough fit to refer to Eggsy. This was the first time he'd brought one of his clients for a consultation with Eggsy, and he was anxious as fuck.

Eggsy took a deep breath and finished wiping down the rest of the stand properly, putting away his tools and stripping off his gloves while Antony and the client waited quietly to the side. Tossing the gloves into a nearby bin, Eggsy turned towards his mentor and smiled.

“'ello Tone. And whose this client you're setting me up with?” Turning to the man, Eggsy took a moment to note his perfectly tailored trousers and black cashmere sweater. His tie was a deep, rich looking red silk, and he was wearing an impossibly expensive looking watch. Really, he was quite attractive but Eggsy was too preoccupied to fully appreciate it when it seemed obvious the man was far too put together to trust a chav like him with his ink. Thrusting out his hand with a cheeky smile plastered to his face in an attempt to cover up his nerves, he said. “'m Eggsy Unwin. Pleasure to meet you.”

“Lachlan Gray. Pleased to meet ye too, Eggsy.” Merlin took Eggsy's hand into his own for a firm shake, absently noting how pleasantly warm his hand was. The lad's brave face, however, did little to conceal how nervous he seemed. Recognizing that this might not be the right time to affect his usual air of detachment, Merlin continued on with a genuine smile, hoping to ease Eggsy's nerves. “Antony seems sure that ye'll be the one to take over this next tattoo of mine. Let's see if we can't give his ego another boost by proving him right, aye lad?”

\--

Inside the consultation room, Eggsy pulled out his sketchbook and a pencil. Gesturing to the chair on the other side of the desk, he took a seat in his own chair and fidgeted a bit with the handle of his mug of tea, eyes on his hands. His confidence in his work was still building, and while Lachlan had been nothing but pleasant, he still held an edge of intimidation that had Eggsy feeling nervous. Once Merlin was seated, legs crossed at the knee and leaning casually back as though this was the hundredth time they'd met and not the first, Eggsy looked up.

“So how long 'ave you been seeing Antony? He just said you an' 'e were old friends.”

“It's been nearly 19 years since I got my first tattoo done by Antony. After that first one, I've never gone to any one else.” Sliding forward in his seat, Merlin pulled the jumper up over his head and unbuttoned the cuff on his left arm, rolling up his sleeve to the elbow meticulously. “This one here,” he said, pointing to his forearm.

Holding out his hand, Eggsy looked questioningly at Merlin. Nodding once, Merlin put his wrist on Eggsy's palm. Scooting further over the desk, Eggsy slowly and gently turned Merlin's wrist back and forth, turning the tattoo. It was a smooth black snake, its head hidden further up Merlin's arm, under his sleeve. Along its back was a single gold line, and it was coiled around a chain of golden circles. Inside each one was the outline of an eye, all of them slightly different. It had obviously been touched up a few times since it was first inked, but it was clearly one of Antony's pieces. The gold was radiant, shimmering in a way that it shouldn't. It was an ink mixture combined with expert shading that Eggsy had only ever seen Antony manage, and it made him highly sought after for its specific style.

Letting go of Merlin's wrist, Eggsy looked up into his eyes with an expression of respect and wonder. He paused before asking quietly, “Can I see the rest?” Dipping his head in acquiescence, Merlin stood up and efficiently removed his tie and shirt, draping them across the back of his chair over his jumper. Eggsy stood as well and circled around the desk to get near Merlin's shoulders. 'He's fit underneath all those layers' Eggsy thought as he walked around Merlin. He also had his fair share of tattoos. Over his arms and across his shoulders. A couple on his flank, and one over his hip trailing away past the waist of his trousers.

“I have a few more on my legs too, but the majority of those are older ones not done by Antony.”

Eggsy paused in his survey to look over Merlin's chest. He had well defined pecs and abs, more fit than an older bloke ought to be. His bald head, dark glasses, his age; it all had Eggsy underestimating just how strong he might actually be. Eggsy had always had a thing for older blokes, and Merlin certainly was easy on the eyes.

Realizing he had been staring a few too long, a soft blush curled its way up his neck and over his cheeks. Clearing his throat, he snapped his eyes up to meet Merlin's. “Why none on your chest? You could definitely pull it off, bruv.”

“Just waiting for the right ones to put there,” Merlin said thoughtfully. Eggsy could tell there was some meaning behind that for the man, and one that he wasn't yet privileged enough to know, so he quickly resumed his observation of Merlin's tattoos.

Returning to his back, Eggsy reached out his hand to hover between Merlin's shoulder blades. “What kind of bird is this?”

Merlin felt a shiver run down his spine as the heat from Eggsy's hand touched his skin. “It's a merlin, a type of falcon. That was the second one that Antony did. It's particularly special to me. A reminder of a change in my identity.”

“They are all impressive, but I think this one is my favourite.” Eggsy's hushed voice and warm breath curled around Merlin's side as his finger tips just barely brushed over the bird's head. Merlin's muscles tensed at the touch before he forced them to relax. His fingers twitched at his side.

Quickly drawing his hand back, Eggsy cleared his throat and stepped back to return behind the desk. “Well, it looks like I'll have some big shoes ta fill,” he said, putting on a cocky smile and trying to avoid staring at Merlin's chest as he moved to sit back in his own chair. “So, Lachlan, what were you hoping Tone could do for you this time 'round?” He opened his sketchbook and picked up his pencil, as he avoided thinking about the tingle in his fingertips from Merlin's skin. Lachlan seemed like a good bloke, not like the other toffs he'd met in his time working at the studio. Eggsy felt ready to impress this man.

Merlin slipped his shirt back on and quickly buttoned it up, making sure the sleeve on his right arm was rolled up passed his elbow. “I have a military background, and many friends who are still there. I honour the ones I've lost, here.” Presenting his arm to Eggsy, his eyes grew soft as he looked at the tattoo. Eggsy recalled the inverted crown at the top near his shoulder, the muted colours and the dark shadows. Winding their way down Merlin's arm were a tangle of thorny vines, blood red roses, and skulls. Eggsy saw hidden amongst the leaves near each skull a collection of items. One had a steering wheel and a pair of leather driving gloves, another a sniper's scope and a striped scarf. “James had a penchant for whiskey, terrible taste in plaid suits, and a headstrong personality. Somehow I think he'd appreciate something appallingly flamboyant.”

Taking another moment to look at the half dozen skulls on Merlin's arm, Eggsy quietly pulled his sketchbook closer and started to draw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to [meetingyourmaker](http://archiveofourown.org/users/meetingyourmaker) for being my inspiration for Merlin's tattoos. Check out their [sketch](http://meetingyourmaker.tumblr.com/post/139152615783/just-saw-your-latest-nsfw-merhartwin-pic-and-love).
> 
> And if you're curious for more details on the art:  
> [The black and gold snake](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/db/8e/08/db8e08a3e5e3c22d1ceae538720b087b.jpg)  
> [Eggsy's phoenix sketch](http://www.adrenalinevancity.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/phoenix.jpg)  
> [Real life tatoo artist that I'm basing Eggsy's art and skill on](http://www.adrenalinevancity.com/tattoo-artists/alexis-thomson/)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue is hard. Hopefully I didn't mess this up too badly. Also, enjoy my first foray into smut.
> 
> Not beta'd or brit picked. If any of you lovely people are interested in helping me out in either of these departments, send me a message!

Two and a half weeks later, Merlin left Savile Row for his appointment with Eggsy. 

The rest of that first meeting had gone smoothly. Merlin had taken the opportunity, while Eggsy was sketching, to look over his portfolio. Antony had clearly taught the lad well, and he hadn't been exaggerating about his talent. He had a way of working with black ink that made you forget that he wasn't using a pen, and he was quickly gaining that level of comfort with colours as well.

They had settled on a tumbler of whiskey and a garishly paisley tie tucked in amongst the roses and another skull. Eggsy had taken his time, going through several revisions to not only ensure Merlin was pleased with the placement and design, but to meld his own style with what Antony had already done. The final result was a perfect blend of all three of them. Merlin had been a bit surprised at how quickly he'd grown comfortable with the lad. He agreed easily when Eggsy asked about the final design, and booked in his appointment to get tattooed.

Now, sat in the back of a Kingsman cab watching the rain soaked streets out the window, Merlin took a moment to consider his evening. Having known he would be out of the shop tonight for a few hours, he'd managed to assign all his agents other handlers. Even more fortuitous was that no major missions were happening, only a few low priority reconnaissance jobs. There were no tests for the new candidates that night, so the overnight techs should be able to cover any issues. The likelihood he'd be called back into the shop tonight was very slim.

It was, however, unfortunate that Harry was away on one of those reconnaissance missions. It would have been nice to spend an evening at home together, Merlin thinks; Harry cooking an impossibly sophisticated dinner ('To help your body heal, darling,' he'd say) and Merlin lounging on the couch in a t-shirt and sweats reading Darwin's Radio, or in the dark room developing his latest photos of Harry. 

During dinner they'd talk of the latest exhibition at the British Museum Harry wants to visit and the event in a few month's time that Merlin will be attending there. Merlin would compliment Harry's cooking, like always, and pour them both another drink. When Harry'd lick the crumbs from his lips, Merlin would track the movement with his eyes and his fingers would trace the edge of his glass. And Harry's eyes would drift down from Merlin's fingers to his forearms, tattoos on display and he'd grip his hand on his own thigh to keep from reaching across to touch the markings. 

After the dishes were cleared, the two of them would sit together on the couch under a blanket and watch one of Harry's ridiculous rom-coms. Harry's fingers would idly play along the edges of the bandage covering Merlin's arm, and the top of Merlin's foot would rub along the back of Harry's calf. Halfway through the movie, Harry'd start tracing the lines of the visible tattoos on Merlin's arm, eyes flicking back and forth from the screen to Merlin. By the time the movie was over, Harry would be on his knees between Merlin's legs, hands clasped loosely behind his back, mouth and tongue lazily sliding across Merlin's cock. Head thrown back against the back of the couch, eyes shut and jaw slack, Merlin would feel his orgasm building steadily. On a skillful flick of Harry's tongue, Merlin would finally spill down Harry's throat with a hushed gasp. Not yet satisfied, Merlin would guide Harry to his feet and backwards towards the stairs...

“We're here, sir,” the driver said as the cab pulled up to the curb outside the studio. Startling Merlin out of his thoughts, he cleared his throat and thanked the man as he stepped out onto the sidewalk. After discretely adjusting his half-hard cock in his trousers, Merlin decided that once he had finished getting this newest tattoo he would go home and send an encrypted message to Harry. Maybe he'd send along a picture of his arm as well.

\--

Merlin walked in just as Eggsy finished up his stencil. Looking up from the paper in his hands, Eggsy smiled at Merlin. He looked much like he had the first time he'd come into the studio: white tailored shirt, navy silk tie, grey cashmere sweater, and perfectly tailored trousers that hugged his legs in all the right places. Eggsy's mouth was suddenly a little bit dryer.

Eggsy'd been impressed by Merlin once he'd realized that he wasn't going to judge him or his work based on his background. He was respectful, charming once he warmed up, and a little bit terrifying when he got serious about something. More immediate was the fact that he was attractive. But while Eggsy had spent more time that he'd like to admit thinking about the man, he was nothing if not professional while he had a tattoo to do.

“Hi Lachlan. Looks like ya managed to 'void the rain.”

Merlin smiled back and approached Eggsy's work station. “Was finishing up just as I was grabbing my cab.” Eggsy took note of the chocolate coloured leather duffel Merlin was carrying. “I came here straight from work. Would ye have a place I could change into something better suited?”

“'Course guv. Just over there.” Eggsy thumbed to his left, indicating a draped off corner of the room. While Merlin walked over to change, Eggsy got out all of his equipment and laid it on the stand near his chair. Just as he was pulling on his gloves, Merlin walked back out and towards him.

Gone was the sophisticated exterior Eggsy was familiar with. Instead, Merlin was clad in a pair of dark denim jeans and a fitted grey t-shirt. He was still wearing his oxfords, and if Eggsy thought Merlin had been attractive before, now he was downright sinful. The veins and tendons on Merlin's hands seemed to stand out with his arms exposed. Eggsy couldn't help thinking what those hands would feel like running along his jaw.

Eggsy tracked Merlin's hands as he came up to his chair and set down his duffel. It was then he notice the emblem on the centre of the bag. It was a gold K turned sideways inside a circle, and it was the exact same symbol as the one on the medal he wore around his neck. The room suddenly felt smaller and his breath caught in his throat.

Merlin stood up from setting down his bag to see Eggsy standing stock still and staring at his bag. “Eggsy, are you all right lad?” Merlin asked, brow furrowed as he stepped forward to touch Eggsy's elbow gently.

The contact was like an electric shock, and Eggsy startled. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that.” With a forced smile, Eggsy continued. “Now, let's get you ready for this tat, yeah? The usual procedure, nothing new here.”

A quiet descended on them as Eggsy got Merlin prepped; quickly and efficiently shaving his arm and then aligning and realigning the stencil until it was just right. Eggsy'd done this enough times he could allow himself a bit of distraction. And knowing that there was a chance Merlin had answers about his father was definitely a distraction.

Eggsy motioned to the chair and had Merlin sit down. With a nod from Merlin he turned on the tattoo machine and got to work. The first touch of the needle to Merlin's skin had him flinch, but he quickly settled into the sensation. He closed his eyes and simply let his mind drift in a way that he could only achieve while under the needle. Eggsy worked meticulously, stopping regularly to rub ointment into the areas he'd finished. All the while a million questions were buzzing around in his head, but all of them seemed to die on his tongue when he tried to speak.

About halfway through the tattoo, Eggsy couldn't take it anymore. He had too many questions, and he needed to know if Lachlan had the answers. Breaking the silence, Eggsy cleared his throat but kept his eyes on his work. “So, did you know my dad? Before he died?” Merlin's eyes opened and a perplexed look crossed his face. Eggsy balked, turning off the tattoo machine and setting it down on the stand. Wiping the back of his wrist over his brow, he continued. “Uh, that's not...” Taking a deep breath, he started again. “I saw the emblem on your duffel. I've seen it before, on a medal I was given as a kid when my dad died. When I got older and joined the Marines, I asked around, but no one knew what branch of the military it came from. My dad's name was Lee Unwin.” 

As he spoke, he stripped off his gloves and pulled on the chain underneath his shirt. Taking the necklace off over his head, Eggsy handed it over to Merlin. Upon hearing the name, Merlin's eyes went wide. Sitting up, Merlin took the medal in his hand and ran his fingertips along its edges.

In the beat of silence before Merlin responded, Eggsy's heart pounded in his ears. Reaching out for his hand, Merlin passed back the medal. “Eggsy, your father saved my life,” he murmurs. Turning his right arm, he points up near the top, away from where Eggsy's been working. Under his finger is a skull, and next to it are hidden a grenade and the profile of a dog. “This is for Lee.”

Eggsy's hand reached out and as his fingers traced the tattoo, Merlin told Eggsy what he could. “Most of the details are classified, Eggsy, I'm sorry. What I can tell you is that the day your father died, my colleague missed that grenade and if it wasn't for your father's courage it would have cost the lives of everyone present. I spent a long time training him and he was a brave man; a good man.”

“Why the dog?”

“We trained with them starting as puppies. Wherever we went, they went. So by the time it was fully trained, so would we be. Lee's pup was an Australian Shepherd named Orion. When your father died, Orion was taken on by our kennel master. She lived for twelve years, and for the eleven after Lee she spent part of every day sitting outside the kennel, just waiting. She never forgot about your dad.”

Placing his hand to cover Eggsy's over the tattoo, Merlin said “I think he'd be very proud of the choices you've made.”

Eggsy made a choking noise and took his hand from Merlin's arm like he'd been burnt. “Thank you, Lachlan. Give me a sec and then we'll finish up your tat, yeah?” Scrubbing at his eyes, Eggsy stood up and walked to the back of the studio, sliding his necklace back on over his head as he went.

\--

In the alley behind the studio, Eggsy let out a shuddering breath. Lachlan had known his dad. Had trained him. Had cared enough about him and his death to get a memorial permanently created on his arm. It felt overwhelming and amazing all at once. And maybe, Eggsy thought, Lachlan could come to care about him like that as well. The memory of Merlin's warm hand holding his own flared up in his mind and Eggsy felt a hot blush creep down his chest. But there wasn't time right now to parse out all these thoughts and emotions, so Eggsy took several deep breaths and worked to regain his composure. Once he felt more like himself, he went back in to finish Merlin's tattoo. 

They were quiet again while Eggsy worked. He focused solely on the tattoo and making it a worthy memorial just as Antony had done for his father without even knowing. Once he finished, he let Merlin take a picture on his phone before he cleaned and bandaged it. Merlin told Eggsy just how pleased he was with the tattoo, his voice low and filled with respect. As Merlin stood up, he stretched out the kinks from sitting one way for so long. Arms stretched out above his head and his shirt hitched up to reveal a sliver of tight stomach muscles, Eggsy was once again hit with just how fit he was. 

They parted with a firm handshake and a promise from Merlin that he'd be back to see Eggsy again when he was ready for his next tattoo. Eggsy watched as he walked out of the studio to a waiting cab and everything he had been holding back came crashing down; Lachlan was a gentleman, he had known and cared for his father, and he was attractive as all get out. As he pressed his hand against his chest and medal, Eggsy started to fear just how deep his interest in the man was starting to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish AO3 allowed Kudos per chapter. Alas, they do not. So if you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a "+<3" comment so I know that I didn't mess this up terribly and that you want me to keep writing!
> 
> Because I seem to be crazy about world building and aesthetics, some links and notes for this chapter:
> 
> Merlin loves to read, and if he's going to own a book it's going to be something beautiful. So 90% of his books are leather bound with color illustrations on glossy plates. The book he refers to comes from [Franklin Books](https://www.franklinbooks.com/science-fiction/). Honestly I want all of the books in that link.
> 
> Merlin's other hobby is photography. He uses mostly film cameras because his subject is usually Harry, and film can't be hacked to compromise his agent (even if many of the photos are of Harry in compromising positions :D). Harry has let him build his own dark room in the basement, and he keeps all of the copies of the photos in a Kingsman crafted vault in their bedroom.
> 
> [The duffel](https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/216170488/mens-leather-duffle-bag-classic-travel) that Merlin carries. And you can bet the inside is lined with his family tartan. He also carries [this briefcase](http://lotuffleather.com/products/english-leather-briefcase) when he's not toting around a change of clothes.
> 
> Lee's dog Orion is an [Australian Shepherd](http://cdn2-www.dogtime.com/assets/uploads/gallery/austalian-shepherd-dog-breed-pictures/10-threequarters.jpg), and she spent most of her time at the Kingsman kennel helping to train and wrangle the other agents dogs.
> 
> Obligitory picture of [Merlin](http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/mark-strong-attends-a-special-screening-of-sunshine-on-leith-hosted-picture-id181682040) in casual clothes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was supposed to have 4 scenes, a handful of paragraphs each in summary, and then we'd be on to the good stuff. Instead, you'll note that the chapter count has jumped up. That slow burn tag is not a joke.
> 
> Not beta'd or brit picked.

After their first tattoo, Merlin kept his promise to return to the studio. The first couple of times were for a consultation and a new tattoo on his calf. However, Merlin's third visit to the studio was for Antony's retirement party. 

The studio had closed early and everyone had pitched in to order a ridiculous amount of Chinese food. All the employees were there, along with a handful of Antony's clients, and Antony's wife. Merlin arrived right on time, bringing along a bottle of Glenfiddich and a beautiful deerskin wallet for his friend. As he was introduced to the other people there, he was quick to note that Eggsy did not appear to be in attendance.

After some time spent mingling, sipping his scotch and unconsciously eyeing the door for Eggsy, Merlin found his way over to Antony just as he was extracting himself from a group of people.

“Quite the turn out, Antony. The lot of us are going to miss ye here at the studio.”

Antony raised his glass to Merlin's and took a generous swig. “Thankfully, I'll be leaving you in capable hands.”

“Speaking of, have ye seen Eggsy yet this evening?” Merlin asked, once again looking out towards the front of the studio and the door.

“No, actually. Though he'll probably be round soon,” Antony said, taking another sip of his scotch. “Sometime his stepdad keeps him in. I don't know what the situation is with that, but its not good. He's worked hard to get out from under his thumb, though, and it rarely affects his work here.”

Merlin's eyes narrowed, but before he could say anything, the front door of the studio banged open and Eggsy stumbled in. Sometime since Merlin had arrived it had started to rain, and the lad had clearly gotten caught in it. Bent over with his hands on his knees, he attempted to catch his breath. His wet hair clung to his forehead and fat drops of water rolled down his face.

Turning and closing the door firmly behind him, Eggsy wiped the back of his hand over his mouth and turned around to face the room, where many of the guests had turned to look his way.

Merlin's breath hitched when he saw Eggsy. The water had drenched through his open jacket and into his white polo. It clung to his frame and gave everyone a glimpse of the tight muscles under his clothes. But that wasn't the only thing that had Merlin's gaze travelling up and down the lad. Although he was trying to casually cover it with his hand, Merlin could still see the split lip and bruised cheek that marred Eggsy face.

“Sorry about that, guv,” Eggsy says, addressing Antony. “Got held up at home. Give me a moment to clean up and then I'll be out to give you a proper greeting, yeah?”

As Eggsy walked to the back, Merlin noted the limp in his gait. It was something that most people wouldn't notice, or might attribute to the way his wet trousers stuck to his legs. But Merlin had seen enough of his agents come home sporting twisted ankles and torn ligaments to know that Eggsy's leg was surely injured and that he was hiding what must be serious amounts of pain behind little more than a displeased grimace.

Merlin gave the lad a few moments, chatting idly to Antony and another group of guests before excusing himself quietly. Slipping to the back of the studio, Merlin looked around until he found Eggsy coming out of the back office and towards his own station.

He'd changed into a dry polo and jeans, presumably something that he had stashed here, and was using a towel to dry off his hair. His feet were bare, his socks and trainers underneath his desk. As he pulled the towel away from his head, his eyes flicked to Merlin and he froze. His face looked even worse now, the light from the nearby lamp casting shadows on his face that only worsened the bruises over his cheekbone and jaw.

“Eggsy, lad, what happened to ye?” Merlin took a step closer, eyes scanning down to see the finger sized bruises wrapping around his forearm already purpling.

Eggsy's jaw clenched, and he threw the towel over the chair in the corner. “'ello Lachlan. Just had a bit of a run in with some blokes on the estate. Nothing to worry about, yeah? Just go back and enjoy the party and I'll be along in just a mo'.”

As he turned away towards the desk, Merlin caught the flinch of pain on his face as he shifted his weight onto his left leg. Momentarily distracted by Eggsy's firm arse as he leaned over to open a drawer in the desk, he hesitated in moving. But when he heard a hiss as Eggsy shifted weight again to reach in the drawer, Merlin took a step closer to touch the lad's shoulder lightly.

“Bollocks. Ye've got some serious damage done to that leg of yours. Let me get you to a doctor to have it looked at.”

Frowning, Eggsy slipped out from under Merlin's hand as he closed the drawer and sat in the chair with a quiet sigh. “It ain't as bad as you think, guv. I've walked off worse. Just need to take a rest for a moment, yeah?” Picking up a hand held mirror from the desk, Eggsy revealed the concealer that he'd taken out of the drawer. At the raised eyebrow from Merlin, he starts applying the makeup and responds, “One of my exes showed me how to do this. Helps keep people from asking too many questions while I'm working.”

Merlin stood there and watched as Eggsy carefully applied the makeup to the bruises on his face and arm. The lad clearly didn't want to talk about what had happened, and Merlin would normally respect that. But what Antony had said earlier about Eggsy's stepdad was itching at the back of Merlin's thoughts.

“Eggsy, I'm not gonnae let this drop. You've been seriously hurt, and while you seem certain you've got this all under control, I'm also certain I can help. Antony mentioned something about your stepdad. Is he who ye had your run in with?” Merlin stepped back and grabbed a chair from another station. He dragged it over next to Eggsy and sat himself in it, giving Eggsy a pointed stare.

“I don't know what you're on about,” Eggsy huffed. “I appreciate the concern, Lachlan, but I'll handle things.” After giving himself a final check in the mirror, Eggsy tucked it and the makeup back in the drawer. Then he sat back and gingerly tried to rotate his ankle. A pained noise escaped his mouth, and he sucked his breath in through his teeth.

Merlin knew a thing or two about stubbornness. He wrestled it everyday with Harry, and doubly so when he found his partner in the medical wing sporting some new injury or another. Eggsy wasn't going to budge on talking about what had happened, that was clear, and Merlin didn't feel the need to interrogate the lad right now to get the answers. Eggsy's ankle on the other hand couldn't afford to wait or be ignored as he suspected the lad was likely to do.

Slipping out of the chair and onto his knees by Eggsy's feet, Merlin reached out to Eggsy's leg and set his hand lightly on his shin. “May I?”

Eggsy met his eyes and nodded. He tipped his head back against the chair and shut his eyes. “Yeah, have at it.”

Merlin pushed up the cuff of Eggsy's jeans and spread both hands over Eggsy's calf, letting the heat seep into the muscle. Then he trailed his hands down and lifted his foot to begin tenderly prodding the muscles and bones to determine the damage. Fingers that spent most of their time tapping on keys pressed into the joint at Eggsy's ankle and flexed his toes. Despite the pain from the touch, a flair of heat pooled in Eggsy's stomach.

While not a doctor, Merlin had assessed Harry enough times when he refused to visit medical to identify the difference between a sprained ankle and a fracture. Merlin ignored Eggsy's displeased grunt while he finished his quick examination and then gently set his foot back to the floor.

“Well, I'm fairly certain this isn't a fracture, but it is a serious sprain. Ye need to let that rest, and to put some ice on it. Stay here while I get some from the freezer.” Merlin stood up and headed back to where he knew the kitchen was.

Eggsy opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a moment before he sat bolt upright. “Shite! My sketchbook!” Reaching down to rummage through the pile of wet clothes, he grabbed the little black book with his fingertips and sat back up. The cover was soggy, and when he opened it up against the top of the desk the pages were wrinkled. But while some of the drawings near the front were smudged and running, his most recent ones that were near the centre of the book appeared no worse for wear.

Laying the book out underneath the lamp to dry, Eggsy leaned his head back against the chair again and let out a long breath. As he shifted in the chair to try and find a more comfortable position, Merlin returned from the back carrying a bag of ice wrapped in a tea towel. Coming to stand next to Eggsy's chair, he held out the ice in one hand and two paracetamol in the other to the lad. “Put this on yer ankle. And take these as well.”

Taking the towel, Eggsy pressed the ice to his ankle and sighed as the cold seeped into his skin and immediately started to dull the pain. With a relieved sigh, Eggsy grabbed the pills and downed them dry. “Thanks bruv. That's aces. I promise to take it easy, but I best at least go and give the old man a proper greeting. I'll take this with me.” He waived the towel in the air as he gingerly stood up and limped his way back to the front of the studio to find Antony.

Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, Merlin sank down into the chair that Eggsy had just vacated. He wasn't sure what it was about the lad that had him feeling so invested, but it seemed that he was determined to make the sure that Eggsy was alright. Merlin didn't form attachments like most other people. Really, Harry had been the only person that had managed to worm his way into Merlin's comfortable inner sanctuary. He tolerated many of the agents at Kingsman, even going as far as to say that he liked a handful of them. But Harry was the only one he knew who he truly enjoyed being around, or at least had been before he met the headstrong yet compassionate lad who he could now hear laughing loudly from the other side of the studio.

Idly, while his thoughts wandered, Merlin leaned towards the desk and flipped open the sketchbook that was drying there. He froze at what he saw, eyes wide, spine stiff and fingers hovering over the top of the page he'd opened to.

Looking back at him were his own eyes, dark behind the rim of his glasses. The sketch was a striking likeness, there was no doubting that it was of Merlin himself. It was quickly drawn, nothing complicated or fancy, but as he turned the pages of the book he realized there were dozens of them. Different angles, different lighting. Sometimes just a part of him, his shoulder blades with the feathers of the merlin sweeping across them, or his hip with the top of the geometric mandala. 

Clearly he'd drawn them from memory, certain details not quite right, but they were good. They may be quick sketches, but they had a presence about them. Merlin's not sure he's ever looked as smouldering as he does when drawn by Eggsy.

Merlin closed the book and turned to face the rest of the studio. Eggsy was sat on the couch, foot up on the side table with the makeshift ice pack draped over top of his ankle. One of the other tattooists was sitting next to him and they were laughing at a joke one of the other guests was telling. Eggsy's smile was infectious, and Merlin felt the corners of his mouth twitch.

Sitting back in the chair, Merlin glanced back at the pile of clothes on the floor. A drop of blood was drying on the collar of the discarded shirt, probably from Eggsy's split lip. Merlin closed his eyes and thought of the lad getting punched in the face by his stepdad. A furrow appeared on his brow and he began considering the investigation he'd be doing on this Dean when he returned home from the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for those of you waiting for Harry's appearance. He is equally frustrated at not being allowed to strut himself around, but Merlin is busy forcing himself into ignorance, and Eggsy's not quite ready to admit his feelings out loud. They're all quite frustrating.
> 
> Now, on to this chapter's world building notes!
> 
> [Inspiration](https://oldelinetattoo.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/9963.jpg) for Eggsy's tattoo station. Eggsy has some photos of Daisy in his area, and several lamps because he needs everything to be bright.
> 
> Its surprisingly hard to find realistic style sketches of Merlin, but [this one](http://erebusodora.tumblr.com/post/111887725321/kingsman-maketh-a-woman-draw-things-also-colin) is what I imagine Merlin saw when he first opened the sketchbook.
> 
> Unlike his other tattoos, I can't find a perfect reference for Merlin's hip mandala. But the placement is [like this (nsfw)](http://www.egodesigns.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/hip-dotwork-tattoo-by-Vincent-Hocquet-St.-Idesbald-Belgium-neo-tribal-tattoos.jpg), and the design would be aesthetically similar to [these](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/3e/69/b2/3e69b2be133afca3558dc5b5832a3980.jpg) [tattoos](https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s640x640/sh0.08/e35/12568089_1756149917950265_596731875_n.jpg) [here](http://www.dotstolines.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/DotsToLines030.jpg?9550fb).


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter that I just couldn't wait to post. Enjoy some fluff!
> 
> Not beta'd or brit picked.

The next time Merlin visited the studio, he spent the entire ride there wondering if he should turn around and get a different gift for Eggsy's birthday.

After Antony's party, Merlin had taken a few weeks to get to learn about one Dean Anthony Baker. In amongst the research on Mr. Baker's gang activity, and background on his goons, Merlin had taken some time to find out more about Eggsy. And one of the things he discovered was that Eggsy's birthday was now in five days.

Merlin had been in his office considering the merits of getting the lad a tablet while following up on the candidates training when there was a quick rap on the door frame and Terrance walked in. The kennel master was old, he'd been with Kingsman nearly a decade already when Merlin had become a candidate. He was still sharp witted, however, and stubborn as an ox. It'd taken all the knights to convince him to begin training his replacement six months ago. 

“Terrance, this is a surprise. What brings you indoors? Nothing serious with the pups I hope,” Merlin asked, only glancing up briefly from his screens before returning to his observation of the candidates sparing in the gym.

“Merlin. Not serious, per se, but inconvenient,” Terrance responded. Merlin gestured to the chair to the side of his desk without looking up and Terrance took a seat. “Rascal just had her litter of pups. Five total, and they all look like they will be well suited for training as estate guards. However, we just discovered that Whiskey is now pregnant too. How we managed to miss that one, I'm not sure, but I'll be having a chat with Edward about it. Regardless, we're going to have far too many dogs in the kennel in a few months, so I'm looking to re-home a few of the candidates dogs now, since they already have the basics of training complete.”

Sitting forward, Terrance placed several photos onto Merlin's desk. The candidates on the screen had just finished their round and were listening to Elyan, so Merlin sat up and looked over at the photos.

“I've got Elixir and Shadow who weren't selected by any of the candidates, but we've been training them in tandem with their dogs regardless. And there are JB and Hawk who were left behind when their candidates were dismissed.” Terrance pointed to their respective photos as he spoke, then sat back in his chair. “I know that you and Harry are without pups right now, so I thought I'd approach you first if you had any interest in new companions.”

Merlin's eyes roamed over the pictures. He knew that Harry missed having a dog, but nowadays they were far too busy and getting too old to be chasing around an eager pup, even one as well trained as Terrance's were likely to be. However, Merlin's eyes kept coming back to the little pug named JB.

“What's the disposition of the pug?”

“He's stubborn and wilful, but seems quite loyal to those he likes. He's friendly enough with Roxy and Lady, but he was a right twat with Gerard. That's quite likely the reason he left him behind when he was dismissed. I'm not sure if he'd be the right temperament for you and Harry, but if you want him, he's yours.”

As Terrance spoke, Merlin thought of Eggsy. During their last appointment Eggsy had mentioned how he had always wanted a dog growing up. He had been disappointed finding out about Orion and that she hadn't been brought to them after his father died.

With one final look at the photo, Merlin made up his mind. “He's not for us, Terrance. I know a young lad that I think would be a perfect fit for the pup. Would ye be able to get him squared away and ready tae travel for the fifth?”

“Certainly. I'll see that you're able to collect him from the kennel any time that day.” Terrance stood up and collected the photos from the desk. “Thank you, Merlin. Good luck with the rest of the training today.”

“Thank you, Terrance. I'll see you on the fifth.” Merlin turned back to his monitors just as the candidates paired off to resume their sparring. A smile unconsciously spread across Merlin's face as he got back to work, thoughts of a little pug running around Eggsy's feet playing in the back of his mind.

\--

Now Merlin was in the back of a cab, a travelling crate sat on the seat next to him. JB stared out making unimpressed huffing noises, and Merlin wondered if this was such a good idea. 

Merlin wasn't very good at this sort of thing. Harry was usually the one who would procure gifts for the other kingsmen or when occasion required. A gentleman always knows the right gift for any situation and Merlin was not a gentleman, even if he occasionally pretended to be.

He stared down at the bag between his feet. Terrance had provided all the necessary supplies and Harry had slipped in a beautiful leather leash (as he'd kissed him on his way out of the shop, a smirk Merlin couldn't decipher playing across his features).

“Sir,” the driver said as they pulled up outside the studio.

“Thank you, Ethan. I shouldn't be long if you wouldn't mind waiting. I'll be going home right after,” Merlin responded. The driver nodded, and Merlin stepped out onto the curb, reaching back in for the pup and the bag.

It was a rare sunny afternoon, and a cool breeze swirled across the road, picking up and scattering a few fallen leaves. JB snuffled and barked once before settling back down at the bottom of the crate. Merlin knew Eggsy was working today, but not if he was going to be with a client. He hoped that he wasn't.

Merlin stepped inside the studio and approached the front desk. “Hello Jada.”

Jada looked up from her computer with a smile. “Hey Lachlan! What brings you 'round today?”

Merlin lifted the crate and the bag up for Jada to see. “I was wondering if Eggsy was available for a moment this afternoon. I wanted to wish him a happy birthday and give him a present.”

Jada's eyes got wide and a grin spread across her face. “Eggsy's in, but with a client right now. Let me go back and let him know you're here and see how long he'll be. Just a sec.” As she walked back to Eggsy's station, Merlin took a seat on the couch with the crate next to him and looked out the front window.

Jada came back around to the front a few minutes later and smiled at Merlin. “He's just finishing up actually. He shouldn't be more than ten minutes or so. Can I get you a cup of tea while you wait?”

“That would be lovely, Jada, thank ye.”

Nine minutes later, Eggsy came to the front of the studio, wiping his hands off on a paper towel. Merlin placed his half drunk tea down on a coaster on the side table and stood up.

“Lachlan! What'cha doing here, bruv?” Eggsy stepped in close and offered his hand, which Merlin took with a firm shake.

“Hello lad. I'm here because it came to my attention that tomorrow is your birthday. I wanted to wish ye all the best and to deliver ye a gift.” Right on cue, JB let out a happy yip and Eggsy's eyes got wide. Dropping Merlin's hand, he turned to look over Merlin's shoulder to the crate that was still sitting on the couch.

“Who's that?” Eggsy whispered as he knelt down in front of the couch.

Merlin sat back down in his seat and opened the front of the crate. “His name is JB. Terrance, the kennel master I told you about, was looking to re-home some of the dogs staying at the kennel. This pup was one of them.”

“It's a bulldog, innit?”

Merlin chuckled. “No, Eggsy, a pug. He's gone through a basic training course, so he responds to verbal and hand commands. Terrance told me he is a loyal dog, but only to those he's taken a liking to. Provided you and he get along, he's all yours. Happy Birthday, Eggsy.”

Eggsy reached into the crate and pulled JB out into his arms. The two looked at each other for a moment before the pug sniffed Eggsy's collar and then licked his cheek. 

Eggsy let out a startled laugh. “Are you taking the piss?” he asked, turning to face Merlin. His eyes were wide and bright, but there was a tightness to his features that betrayed his concern. It was clear that one too many times the lad had been offered something only to have it taken away and Merlin would not have him thinking the same of him.

“I'm not. I know it's a lot of responsibility without any notice, but ye said...”

“He's aces, bruv. Absolutely brill.” Eggsy put JB on the floor, pointed near his feet and told him to sit. The pup looked to Eggsy and sat, tongue hanging out as he waited. Standing up smoothly, Eggsy bent over to look straight at Merlin. He grabbed the mans elbow in one hand, and clenched his hand in the other. “Thank you, Lachlan. I ain't good at this sort of thing,” he released Merlin's hand and waved it in the air around them. “Getting gifts. But this is the best birthday present I've gotten in forever.”

For a moment, Eggsy considered leaning in to place a kiss on Merlin's cheek. Instead he gave Merlin's elbow another squeeze before he released Merlin's arm and knelt back down to scratch JB on the head. He whispered praise to the pup and started digging through the bag to find a treat for him.

Merlin sat back on the couch and watched as the lad and the pup got acquainted, with a contented expression on his face and a warm feeling in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to [elletromil](http://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil), I borrowed some of your dog names. I hope you don't mind!
> 
> The [leash](http://www.houndworthy.com/shop/collars-leads/steadfast-english-bridle-leather-heavy-duty-dog-lead-nut-brown/) Harry slipped in the bag. Of course it's designer - only the best for a Kingsman pup.  
> And an obligatory picture of [JB and Eggsy](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/4a/fa/77/4afa778faa13e59ba13676d512d38706.jpg).


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay with this chapter, but clocking in at 4100+ words I hope I'll make it up to all of you.
> 
> Thank you all for your comments and kudos on this story. They mean the world to me!
> 
> Also, I've been awkwardly dealing with Eggsy only knowing Merlin's real name. To address it, I've been calling him Lachlan whenever we are in Eggsy's POV, but Merlin when we are in Merlin's POV. I'm not sure how well any of that is coming across. So if you have a hard time with this chapter bouncing around with his name, PLEASE let me know so I can make it better!
> 
> As usual, not beta'd or brit picked.

The following month, Merlin returned to the studio for another tattoo. This time it was of a lion, with a fiery mane and a fierce snarl, carefully positioned under the talons of the merlin on his back. It was dark, and powerful, and Eggsy asked about its meaning as he worked on the sketch.

Merlin simply explained that it was a reminder for him to stay vigilant over power that’s not earned. The full truth was that things were happening at Kingsman that Merlin didn't like. Arthur had started making strange requests of some Knights on their missions. Occasionally a tech would report an outage in surveillance at the shop. Merlin would review the logs and the cut and purge commands were always logged as Arthur.

When confronted, Arthur told Merlin they were simply personal conversations not intended for Kingsman, and to leave well enough alone if he valued Arthur turning a blind eye to his relationship with Harry. Merlin had taken that threat poorly, making his clipboard creak with how hard he gripped it, but he had somehow resisted the urge to simply punch the smug smile off Arthur's face.

(That night after he told Harry, Harry spent the evening reminding Merlin that he didn’t care what that pompous arse thought of their relationship. The next day Merlin wore a smug smile whenever he caught sight of the bruises on Harry’s neck, too high to be covered by his collar. And Harry made a point of finding reasons to speak with Arthur all day, then constantly adjusting his tie or touching his chin, with a mischievous gleam in his eye.)

Merlin now had more surveillance in place at the shop, dumping only to his private server, and Harry was doing discreet recon of the organization between missions. But it was slow going, and while Merlin suspected something dark on the horizon emanating from Arthur, there was little to go on in the here and now. And so, the tattoo, to help him focus on what was important and as a permanent reminder of how crucial his vigilance was. Especially over those who did nothing to earn their power, like Arthur, whose family had simply provided Kingsman enough money to have the title given to their son.

It took two sessions for Eggsy to finish the tattoo, and most of that time was spent with Eggsy talking. He told Merlin how he and JB were settling in, all about Daisy, and what he remembered of his father. He gave Merlin glimpses of how he grew up, but was generally tight lipped about anything related to Dean.

Merlin, in turn, told Eggsy what stories he could of Lee. He tried to keep the focus off of his own past, loath to lie outright to the lad, instead telling stories of his partner's antics when they had the chance to go out together. (“His name's Harry, and I think the two of ye would find each other quite amusing, much to my dismay.” Merlin pretended not to notice the flash of disappointment that flickered over the lad's face, and ignored the pang of guilt he felt in his chest at seeing it.)

Once the tattoo was done, Eggsy and Merlin didn't see each other again for another month until Merlin ran into the lad on the way home from a mission.

They were having a bloody hard time trying to figure out what Valentine was up to. The kidnappings continued, Merlin had nothing new on the implants, and neither he nor Harry felt any closure for James' death. Harry's dinner with Valentine hadn't provided them much, so when they learned that one of Valentine's lead engineers would be hosting a talk at the British Library Labs, Merlin insisted on doing the mission himself.

Four hours later, the target's devices were cloned and trackers placed in his jacket, briefcase, and wallet. With Merlin's alias' business card in the man's pocket, and a promise to contact him about a 'future proposal', Merlin climbed into the back of a Kingsman cab. All the data was already being sent in real time to the server at the shop, and one of the techs would be going through it overnight. So Merlin told the driver to head home and sank back into the seat as the cab pulled away from the curb.

As he watched London pass out the window, the sky opened up and it began to pour down rain. Several minutes passed as they drove through the darkened streets. Merlin spent the time removing his tie and pouring himself a tumbler of scotch. As they approached the corner of Regent's Park, Merlin saw a familiar jacket bolt across the road. Without thinking, he rolled down his window and yelled “Eggsy?”

The lad slowed down and turned around, and Eggsy's face peered out from under his cap. “Lachlan?” He stepped back towards the cab that had pulled to the curb, shaking some of the water off his sleeves to no avail.

“Lad! Get in!”

Eggsy looked unsure for a moment before the rain started to come down even harder. Dashing to the cab, Merlin slid over and let the lad scramble in. Eggsy took his hat off and wiped ineffectively at the water on his face.

“Eggsy, what are ye doing out running in this mess?” Merlin asked, as he pulled out a towel from a compartment under the seat.

“Was tryin' to avoid a run-in with... with some nasty blokes from the estate. Lost 'em in the park when it started to rain.” Eggsy grabbed the towel with a nod and looked around the cab for the first time as he dried off. His eyes roamed over Merlin, taking in the sharp suit and expensive coat. They stopped and lingered at his throat, where the top button of his shirt had been undone. Eggsy reflexively licked his lips, then startled and brought his eyes to meet Merlin's. “Bruv, this is posh. Ain't never seen a cab like this before. And where you coming from lookin' like that?”

Merlin sat back and watched as Eggsy attempted to squeeze the excess water from his jacket, humming softly at the tinge of pink he saw on the lads neck. “I was just heading home from a lecture at the British Library. We use this cab company at the tailors, and I managed to get a reservation through the shop's connection.” Merlin leaned back and took a sip of his scotch. “Where are ye headed to now? I'll have the driver drop ye off.”

“Can't go back round the flat now, so was just planning to crash at the studio. Spent the night there a few times, the couch ain't that bad,” Eggsy mumbled. Giving up on getting any more water out of his clothes, he glanced around before putting the wet towel down by his feet.

Merlin quickly sat up and set his drink to the side, then leaned over to catch Eggsy's eyes. “Lad, that's ridiculous. Why don't ye come to mine? We've got a guest room and you can borrow some dry clothes. Harry won't mind. In fact he'll prolly be pleased to finally meet you.”

Eggsy froze, eyes widening before he quickly turned his head to look out the window. His pulse was too loud in his ears, and his mouth was suddenly dry. The opportunity to see Lachlan outside of the studio and in a space he was comfortable in was so tempting. But Eggsy knew that there was no way he could spend the night with Lachlan, in his home, and keep his attraction for the man hidden. And it was imperative that he keep it hidden, since Lachlan was happily taken. Eggsy would not risk losing the most important friendship he had.

Letting out a deep breath, Eggsy turned back to Merlin with a worn out smile. “That's awfully nice, Lachlan, but not necessary. It'll just be easier for me if I stay at the studio. I already have what I need there, and it won't put anyone out of sorts. But if you're willing, a lift there would be aces.”

Merlin hesitated, ready to force the issue with the lad, when he noticed the tension in Eggsy's body. His hands fidgeted nervously with his jacket cuffs, and his knee bounced up and down erratically. The lad was rarely out of sorts, but clearly the idea of spending the night at Merlin's home was making Eggsy terribly ill at ease.

Merlin pushed down his feelings of discomfort for not only upsetting the lad but for being unable to provide him with a much needed night of rest. “Of course. Ethan, can you please drive us to the Permanent Record tattoo studio please?”

As the cab pulled back out onto the street, Merlin poured the lad his own glass scotch. Together they leaned back in their seats and drank, the quiet of the night invading the back of the vehicle; Merlin thinking of what he could do to help make things easier for the lad; Eggsy trying desperately not to think about how much he wanted Lachlan to take care of him.

\--

Christmas and New Year's Eve came and went. Merlin saw to it that Eggsy got a slew of sketchbooks, pencils, pens, and ink delivered to the studio. Eggsy found a copy of 1984, leather bound with a beautiful bookplate, at a secondhand bookstore he passed on his walk to work. 

He made sure to get a business card from the store, and attached it to a note that simply said Lachlan, I hope you don’t have this one yet. He tucked the note between the pages and brought the book to the tailor shop.

Outside the shop, Eggsy peered into the window and took a deep breath. He'd never been in a shop like this before, and he knew that it was going to be obvious that he didn't belong, even if he was just dropping off a gift. As he stepped inside, a bell above the door chimed and a pleasant looking gentleman quickly stepped out from behind a table to greet him.

“Hello sir, how can I be of service today?” he asked.

“Uh, ‘ello. I was just wonderin’ if Lachlan might be in?”

The man quirked an eyebrow, and gave Eggsy a quizzical look. “I’m afraid the gentleman isn't available right now. Would you care to leave a message?”

“Oh, uh, no, that's a’ight.” Eggsy took a step back towards the door before he stopped again. “Actually, yeah. Could you please see that this gets to him? You can tell ‘im it's from Eggsy.” Eggsy passed over the book, and when the man caught a glimpse at the title he offered a warm smile in Eggsy’s direction.

“Certainly sir. And might I say I think that he’ll enjoy this very much.” A faint blush covered the back of Eggsy’s neck as he walked back out the door, a soft smile on his lips.

\--

The beginning of January, Harry was sent on what should have been a routine surveillance mission. Of course, it ended up with Harry following a nasty mercenary from the Mexican cartel for 29 hours straight before being forced to make contact. In order to maintain his cover, he’d needed to ditch the glasses, putting everyone into radio silence.

Merlin had been acting as Harry’s handler, but once Harry was only a blinking gps dot, it had made more sense for another handler to take over to allow the man some sleep. They would call him back to headquarters once they were in contact with Galahad again.

Merlin stepped out of the fitting room and into the shop, and paused at how bright it was. The sun, low on the horizon, bounced off the glass cabinet at the front and played brightly along the walls. Confused, he looked down at his watch only to remember he had taken it, and his tie, off in the lab.

“Andrew, forgive me, but what time is it?”

Andrew glanced at his watch. “Ten minutes to four, sir.”

Merlin let out a heavy sigh. “Thank you, Andrew. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” 

He pulled on his overcoat, too exhausted to even bother fastening it, and stepped out of the shop and into the back of the waiting cab. He was tired down to his bones, his eyes hurt and his hands and arms ached. As good as Kingsman medical was, they weren't above the toils of old age and carpal tunnel. He knew that he should go home and crawl into bed until they called him back into headquarters, but there was no way he was going to be falling asleep right now, no matter how tired he was.

Harry was out there, without backup and without Merlin’s voice in his ear. It didn't matter how experienced the man was, or how long they had been doing this together, Merlin would never get used to being cut off from his agent.

“Sir, home then?”

Dragged from his melancholy, Merlin sat up in his seat and met the driver's eyes in the rear view mirror. “No, Ethan. To the tattoo studio if ye would please.” Perhaps some decent company and some supper would make finding sleep easier.

\--

It had been a slow day at the studio. Eggsy’d seen his last client for the day, and it was looking like there wouldn’t be any walk ins before they studio closed for the night. He’d come a long way since Antony had first announced his retirement, and Eggsy had a good client base building up, but he still ended up with down time.

He and Jada were tossing a Nerf ball back and forth from their chairs, talking about their dogs’ latest antics, when the door at the front opened. Eggsy’s smile at seeing Lachlan walk in turned brittle when he took in the man’s appearance.

Gone was the stern and put together man that Eggsy had grown accustomed to seeing. Instead, Lachlan looked every bit his age, and then some. There were dark circles underneath his eyes, and his skin was pale and clammy. His tie was nowhere to be found, and his trousers and jumper were wrinkled and limp under his coat.

“Hello Eggsy. You're just the lad I was looking for.”

“‘ello Lachlan. You a’ight, bruv? You're lookin’ a bit tired.”

“That's an understatement to be honest. It's been a very long couple of days at the shop.” Merlin stepped closer, hesitating just outside of Eggsy’s space. Jada, God bless her, excused herself to the back as Eggsy stood up from his chair. “I was wondering if ye might be interested in grabbing some take away with me. Harry is out of town for work, and I could use some company to wind down.”

Eggsy stilled, plastering on a neutral expression as he took stock of the situation. He was inwardly pleased that Lachlan had invited him at all. All their past conversations had suggested that he didn’t socialize much or have many friends other than Harry. That he would consider Eggsy in place of his partner for companionship made Eggsy’s chest tighten. But that feeling quickly twisted its way into guilt as he thought of Harry. 

Eggsy’s attraction to Lachlan had only grown in strength since first meeting the man, even after learning that he was already in a relationship. He had spent far too much time wondering how soft Lachlan’s jumpers would be under his cheek as he pressed close for a hug, on the days when Dean was especially vicious. Or how the man preferred his toast in the morning as he made eggs and toast for Daisy. He’d definitely spent too much time in the shower stroking himself as he imagined the weight of Lachlan’s cock on his tongue as he came down Eggsy’s throat, or the feel of his hands on Eggsy’s hips as he teased Eggsy’s hole with the head of his cock.

So, once again, he knew that he shouldn’t tempt his infatuation any more than necessary. It wasn't fair to Lachlan, and especially not to Harry. He hadn’t even met the man, but the way Lachlan talked about him, Eggsy knew he would never do anything to jeopardize that relationship for him. And since it was clear he wasn’t doing so well at tamping down his attraction as it was, walking into that house with Lachlan would not be a wise choice.

But when Eggsy opened his mouth to politely decline the offer and make some excuse as to why, he instead found himself saying “I'd love to, bruv. Don't look like I'll be getting any other clients tonight anyways.”

At Eggsy's acceptance, Lachlan’s shoulders relaxed like a weight had been lifted. He gave Eggsy a tired but genuine smile. “Excellent. I was thinking we could go back to mine. There’s a fantastic pizza parlour that delivers, and I'm sure that Harry has some beer around. I have a cab waiting outside if ye are able to come now.”

At the look of relief on Lachlan’s face, like he had been steeling himself for a rejection that he wasn't sure he’d be able to handle, Eggsy knew he wouldn’t try to get out of this. He was just going to have to push aside his attraction for the night. He could do that.

“Yeah, not a prob. Let me just grab my things.”

Lachlan gave him another exhausted smile and turned back towards the door. Eggsy’s eyes travelled over his shoulders and back, and down to his arse. His mind conveniently filled in how he would look with his shirts off and his tattoos on display. Eggsy bit his tongue and quickly looked away. He didn't know if he was going to be able to do this.

\--

Several hours later, Eggsy was on the couch across from Lachlan, beer in hand, as Lachlan finished telling a story about the hound he’d had as a boy. An empty pizza box lay open across the coffee table, and a handful of empty bottles were huddled around one of the table legs.

Eggsy laughed as Lachlan finished talking and a comfortable silence fell around them. For a few moments they simply sat there, sipping their beers, caught in their own thoughts. It was easy and comfortable, and between that and the numerous beers Eggsy’d had, he started to forget about the boundaries he was trying to maintain.

Turning sideways on the couch, so his head was laying against the armrest, he bent his knees and tucked his sock clad feet under Lachlan’s thigh. With the hand holding his beer hanging off the side of the couch, he closed his eyes and let out a contented sigh.

Startled by the touch, Merlin looked over at the lad to find him laying with a lazy smile on his face. Warmth swelled in his chest as he realized he had never seen Eggsy look so at ease before. As his eyes swept over the scene before him, he let out a snorting laugh.

“What’cha think’s so funny?” Eggsy mumbled, throwing his free arm up over his eyes.

Merlin let out another chuckle. “Harry’d have a fit if he saw us like this. He always insists that we eat at the dining table, even when it’s just take away straight out of the box. As he frequently likes to remind me, ‘Manners maketh man’.”

At the mention of Harry, Eggsy pulled his arm away from his face and opened his eyes. He mentally chastised himself for losing his restraint and getting overly comfortable with Lachlan. Attempting to be casual, he swung his feet back down to the floor and stood up, arms stretched over his head as he did. “Well, then we’d best get rid of the evidence before he gets home, yeah?”

Eggsy drained the last of his beer, picked up the pizza box in the other hand, and walked quickly away to the kitchen.

Merlin immediately missed the pressure of the lads feet under his leg. The tiny ache that the loss brought to his chest reminded him of a greater ache, that Harry was still out there on his mission without Merlin’s guidance to make sure he made it back safe. He leaned his head back against the couch and allowed a pained sound to escape his lips as he stared at the ceiling. He just had to keep faith that his agent would come back to him in one piece.

After making a couple of trips to take care of the rest of the bottles, Eggsy returned to the living room to find Lachlan with sleep heavy eyes watching his approach. A flare of arousal sparked between his legs, and Eggsy hastily turned to examine the bookshelf to quell it. He let his eyes travel along the volumes, occasionally tracing a spine with his finger. After a few moments he found, nestled in amongst the other books, the volume Eggsy had gotten Lachlan for Christmas.

“Looks like you didn’t have a copy of this after all,” he says, pointing to the book. “The man at the shop, that I gave the book to, seemed to think that I chose well. I guess he was right.”

Merlin looked over at Eggsy with a sleepy smile. “It was perfect, thank ye lad. The bookplate was especially interesting. I have another book that has something similar…” Standing up slowly, Merlin stepped toward the lad only to lose his balance and stumble forward. He would have landed flat on his face if Eggsy hadn’t darted forward and grasped the Lachlan by the shoulders.

“Careful, bruv. I think it’s time for you to call it a night. Let me help ya upstairs so you don’t fall and crack that bald head of yours open.”

“I think ye’re right lad. Thank ye.”

Together they slowly made their way up to Lachlan’s bedroom. Once inside and to the bed, Lachlan laid down and curled on his side, his eyes barely open. He muttered “Ye’re more than welcome to the guest room, on the second floor. I’m staying in bed until the shop calls me back in, but ye can... help yourself to... anything… in…” before he passed out.

Eggsy took off the man's glasses and set them on the nightstand before pulling the blanket off the foot of the bed and covering him with it. He allowed himself a moment to take in Lachlan’s sleeping form, limbs finally free of the tension that had held him tight all evening. His hand hovered over Lachlan’s bicep as he pictured the twining vines with their sharp thorns, and the blood red blooms of roses around the skull that honored his father.

Shaking his head, he stepped back towards the door and stumbled. As he straightened, he realized that he might not be in any better state than Lachlan right now, and he’d be tempting Dean’s anger if he returned home like that. Perhaps he would stay in the guest room, Eggsy thought. He’d managed more restraint that he thought he’d be able to, and it would be nice to get a nights sleep without fear of Dean busting into his room looking for a fight.

Eggsy was almost out the bedroom door when his eye was caught by a framed picture on the bureau. Pausing to look closer, Eggsy found a photo of Lachlan and Harry. They were sitting together on the couch, Lachlan with a mug and Harry with a copy of The Sun and they were looking at each other over the tops of each. The corners of Harry’s eyes were crinkled up from the smile he’s giving Lachlan, and his red socks are wedged underneath Lachlan’s leg. They look so happy together. The contentment around the two of them feels almost tangible. And, Eggsy realized, Harry is right fit with his styled hair and thick framed glasses. His shoulders are wide, and the slacks he’s wearing frame his arse where it’s on display from his bent legs. The two of them together are the perfect couple.

Eggsy turned away and let out a heavy sigh. He knew he couldn’t stay there now. He’d grab a cab and message Jamal to see if he could sleep off the beer at his place. Because now he’d realized he was going to have to try not to think what it might be like to be with both of them, together. Snuggled in between them on the couch, head on Lachlan’s shoulder and fingers entwined with Harry’s. And isn’t that just unfair. ‘Cause Eggsy’s life definitely ain’t like that kind of movie, and he needed to remember that.

He stepped out of the room with only a quick glance over his shoulder at Lachlan’s sleeping form. Running a hand through his hair and letting out an anguished groan, he started down the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Next chapter, Harry!
> 
> For now, onto the notes:
> 
> I can't believe I forgot to post a picture of Merlin's [merlin](http://67.media.tumblr.com/0195518d68548630b7357470ef13523b/tumblr_nrnhl1lXHS1sbx8zso1_1280.jpg) in Chapter 1. The lion Eggsy is giving him is a combination of [this lion](http://www.thisistattoo.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/shoulder-tattoo-designs-32.jpg) and [this mane](http://tattooos.org/wp-content/uploads/parser/Lion-On-Fire-Tattoo-Design-1.jpg).
> 
> If you're curious about Harry and Merlin's house, you can read my thoughts on the canon compliant house on [my tumblr](http://insanereddragon.tumblr.com/post/148156254144/so-because-im-obsessive-about-world-building-and). Long story short, Harry's house won't work for this au, so I've appropriated a larger house in Stanhope Mews East. You can take a tour [here](http://www.marshandparsons.co.uk/property-for-sale/4-bedroom-House-for-sale/Stanhope-Mews-East-London-SW7/SKN150133). (And thoroughly confuse a real estate agent when they get a bunch of hits on this listing from all over the world.)
> 
> In my head, while Harry's preferred beer is Guinness, he is always trying new beers so that he's well versed should the need arise on a mission. The beers that Merlin mentions are all from [this list](http://uk.businessinsider.com/the-17-best-british-craft-beers-2015-9). He isn't worried about Harry being upset that they drank them because even though Harry buys them and insists that he tries them all, he never likes a single one of them.
> 
> [Inspiration](http://bunnybunart.tumblr.com/post/111573457447/kingsman-off-duty) for the photo on their bureau. I was sorely tempted to use [this one](http://madmoro.tumblr.com/post/116090614409/for-all-those-people-who-wanted-more), but figure that would be a much harder one for Merlin to take remotely.
> 
> If you are curious about the locations of all the places in this fic so far, I've created a [map](https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/edit?mid=1Li3GKBqqv6DtqkoAjCDAXMCy8tw) of them. I'll be sure to update it as the story progresses!
> 
> And if anyone is curious about the timeline of these events, please let me know! I've got a timeline all written out, but I'm not going to bother posting it to tumblr if no one is interested.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is here! Thank you all for your patience, support, kudos, and comments. They continually encourage me to keep trying my hand at this writing thing.
> 
> This chapter is another long one, and it was very hard for me to write. A heads up that this chapter is very dense, and more importantly contains brief discussion of the violence of V-Day and a depressed Harry who isn't dealing with his new reality very well.
> 
> Not beta'd or brit-picked.

Eggsy twirled the pen around in his hand, and leaned back in his chair to stare idly out the front window. Lachlan’s appointment was in just over an hour, and the twisting in Eggsy’s gut was getting worse. He hadn’t anticipated being such a nervous mess as he waited for Lachlan’s arrival.

He glanced back down at his sketchbook and darkened the lines around Lachlan's jaw. The image showed Lachlan sitting in front of a window, turned in profile to watch something out through the glass, holding a steaming mug inches from his face. As Eggsy added shadows around the man’s shoulders, he wondered if he would still look the same as he remembered him, or if the events of V-Day and its aftermath had left him a different man.

Thirty six days after Eggsy had left a hastily written note and taken a cab away from Lachlan’s house, V-Day happened. Eggsy had been on his way to the Black Prince to confront Dean about his mother’s latest black eye when the signal hit. He ended up in a struggle with some kids coming out of the park, and when the signal ended they had all been battered but alive. He had been a few blocks from the pub, and was grateful he hadn’t been closer. Dean had been outside having a smoke, and ended up in the hospital with a shattered leg and multiple stab wounds, but only after killing four other people.

At first, Eggsy had been too busy trying to help his mother in the aftermath of V-Day to spend much time looking for Lachlan. He’d visited the house once, a week after, only to find it dark and locked up. He’d worried, as he lay in bed that night, that Lachlan had been killed. He imagined all the different ways it could have happened, the next always worse than the last. It made Eggsy’s stomach clench and bile rise up his throat, and it’d taken a long time staring at the ceiling, trying to think of anything but, before he’d fallen into a fitful sleep.

After three weeks, the studio had rung saying they were opening back up and Eggsy could start taking clients again whenever he was ready. Michelle finally seemed stable enough to care for Daisy on her own again, and Dean was still in traction at the hospital. So Eggsy told Jada to expect him in the next day.

But as soon as Eggsy stepped into his area at the studio and spotted his sketchbook sitting on his desk, he knew he had to make time now to find Lachlan. He turned around and walked back to the front. Jada was sitting at her desk, going through everyone's schedules as he approached. “Jada, I know you ain’t supposed ta give out client info, but could you give me Lachlan Gray’s number on file?”

He brought his hand to his chest and palmed the medal through his shirt anxiously. It was ridiculous, that somehow after everything they’d said and done, they had never exchanged numbers. Lachlan had never asked or offered, and Eggsy hadn’t wanted to pry. He’d always just been able to arrange everything through the studio.

Jada took a moment with the system and then wrote the number on a slip of paper she slid across the desk. She didn’t say a word, a look of concern on her face as she saw his hand on his necklace.

Grabbing the paper, he quickly strode to the back of the studio and out into the alley. Taking out his phone, Eggsy stared at the number on the page. With only a slight hesitation, Eggsy dialed the number and held his breath as the line rang.

“Customer service, how may I redirect your call?”

Eggsy let out the breath he was holding. “Uh, my name's Eggsy Unwin, and I was hoping you could connect me to Lachlan Gray?”

There was a pause on the line before Eggsy heard “Mr. Gray is currently unavailable. May I take a message?”

Eggsy’s stomach dropped. He thought that if Lachlan were actually dead, they wouldn’t be asking for a message. But that was a small comfort when so many other things could have happened to the man, most of them not much better. “Could you just let ‘im know I was calling for him, and give ‘im this number for me, yeah?” Eggsy gave the woman his number and then disconnected the line.

He sunk down onto the ground, and stared at the phone in his hand until the screen faded to black. He had no idea what to do now. He hoped that Lachlan would call back, but he couldn’t count on it. Closing his eyes, he dropped his head back against the brick wall. He stayed that way for a long time, mind and heart numb, trying only to focus on his breathing and slowing the pounding of his heart.

A buzzing from his phone had him sitting up and answering it before he gave it a second thought. “‘ello?”

A faint beeping came from the other end of the line, a quiet hissing noise he couldn’t identify. “Hello, lad.”

Eggsy’s eyes grew wide, and he shot up onto his feet. “Lachlan! Where are ya? Are ya hurt? I went by your house a few weeks ago and no one was there. I was afraid…” He trailed off, unable to finish the thought.

“I’m alright, Eggsy. I wasn’t around anyone when the signal went off. But you - what about you?”

“Bruised ribs, couple of slashes, a sprained wrist, but nothing I ain’t healed from before. Was lucky it was only a couple of kids...and all of us survived.” A tense silence passed for a moment before Eggsy got the nerve to whisper, “And ‘arry?”

“Things are… complicated. Harry’s not… things are not as they should be right now.” Lachlan paused, letting out a heavy sigh, and Eggsy could hear the sound of his hand scratching along the stubble on his jaw. “But ye have no idea how good it is to… to hear your voice and know ye are ok, Eggsy.”

Eggsy blushed and gripped the phone tighter in his hand. “I was so worried. I’m glad that ya aren’t hurt,” he murmured. “Are you with Harry now?”

“Aye. The doctors don’t know how long he’ll be here, or if… So I won’t be around all that much for a while. But… could I call ye every once and a while, to check in?”

Eggsy bit his lip. “Of course. Call whenever ya like.”

Lachlan let out a long sigh. Then there were voices coming from the background, and the rustling of fabric. “Thanks, lad. I need to get back. Take care of yerself. I’ll call again in a few weeks.”

“Bye, Lachlan. Please take care of yourself too…” Eggsy responded, but Lachlan was already gone.

He did call again, on and off for the next six months. He asked how Eggsy was doing, about JB, about Daisy. Eggsy asked about Harry the first few times and always received a strained hum and a pained answer in the negative that had Eggsy clenching his fist at his side. Until finally Lachan called, breathless and with so much hope in his voice, to tell Eggsy that Harry had woken up. After that, conversations were easier, if still less frequent than Eggsy wished for before guilt twisted his gut.

And then Eggsy walked into the studio one Tuesday morning in the beginning of August to Jada beaming back at him.

“What? Did ya meet a bird after I left last night?” Eggsy teased.

Jada slapped his shoulder playfully and stuck out her tongue. “No. You have a new consultation Friday afternoon. It’s Lachlan.”

Eggsy froze, eyes wide and mouth open slightly, until Jada smacked him again and walked around from behind the desk. “You better get yourself in check before Friday. Now, you want a cuppa?”

\--

The sound of the front door opening jarred Eggsy from his thoughts. He kept his eyes on his desk as he took a deep breath and closed his sketchbook. He stood up and turned towards the front just as he saw Lachlan step inside. His eyes immediately sought out Eggsy’s, and a large smile spread itself across his face as his eyes sparkled with relief. There were faint smudges underneath Lachlan’s eyes, Eggsy noted, but otherwise he looked just as handsome as he remembered.

“Lachlan,” Eggsy breathed, as he quickly approached, his arms extending for an embrace. But just as he got close, the door opened again and Eggsy froze, arms falling back to his sides. Coming in behind Lachlan was a man Eggsy had only seen once, in a framed photo on Lachlan’s bureau.

Harry was dressed impeccably. His suit tailored to slim his waist and broaden his shoulders into the perfect proportions. His black oxfords were polished so thoroughly Eggsy was certain he could see his reflection in them. He was using a cane, glossy wood and black leather handle, as he carefully made his way into the studio.

He lifted his head towards Eggsy, and Eggsy made sure to keep his expression detached. Thick framed glasses could only obscure some of the scarring that spread across the left side of Harry’s face and up into his hair. The skin graft had healed well, but the area was large, and he would likely never be completely free of the web of scars. And he must have a prosthetic eye, Eggsy thought. There was too much damage around it for the brown eye that was staring at him to be real. But despite all of the damage, Harry was still an amazingly handsome man.

A beat of silence passed as Eggsy looked at the two of them. Then Lachlan moved forward, taking Eggsy’s shoulders in his hands and dragging him in for a hug. _Their first_ , Eggsy’s mind helpfully informed him as he found himself wrapped up in the man’s arms.

“It’s so good to see you, lad.”

Eggsy allowed himself to relax into the hug, to enjoy it for just a moment as he squeezed back, before he pulled himself away. “You too, Lachlan.”

Lachlan stepped back and pressed his hand reassuringly to the small of Harry’s back. “Eggsy, this is Harry Hart. It’s about time the two of you met. The consultation today is actually for him.”

Eggsy swallowed, and processed the fact that he was going to be working on a tattoo for Harry, and not Lachlan. “‘ello, Harry. Pleasure to meet ya. Lachlan seems to think we’ll get on well.” He extended his hand out to Harry.

His grip was firm as he took Eggsy’s hand in his own. “It's nice to finally meet you as well, Eggsy.” His words were civil, but Eggsy could see the tension along his jaw as he shook Eggsy’s hand and then dropped it as soon as was polite.

Sensing Harry's discomfort, Lachlan leaned closer and took Harry’s hand in his own. Harry immediately loosened, shoulders dropping and weight shifting ever so slightly towards Lachlan.

As Harry stood next to Lachlan, expression neutral but fingers twitching in Lachlan’s hand, Eggsy realized just how much he was using his demeanor as armor against the world. Eggsy knew how to read fear in people, and Harry was struggling to hide his fear behind a well dressed gentleman persona. 

“Let's head to the back room and get started, yeah? Then you can tell me why it is that you’re here, Harry.” Eggsy turned his back to the two men and took a deep breath. This was going to be an interesting afternoon, he thought, and not in the way he had anticipated.

\--

It had taken months to relearn how to walk, and Harry still felt the weakness in his right leg. It was hardest in the mornings, when his mind was foggy with sleep and his concentration waivered. He would move tentatively, hand braced against the wall because he had been too groggy or stubborn to grab his cane. On the bad days he’d have to stop, somewhere between the bedroom and the stairs, and close his eyes, leg trembling and lips pressed tightly together to keep a frustrated yell from escaping. 

Merlin would find him, stuck in limbo in the middle of the hall, when he didn't appear for breakfast. He'd go to the bedroom and grab Harry's cane, then return to slide an arm around his waist and just hold him gently against his side until the shaking subsided and Harry took the cane from his hand. Together they would slowly make their way down the stairs to the dining room, where Merlin would ease him into a chair. A kiss on the temple would soothe the stirrings of a migraine that was sure to come later in the day, as he left to go fetch their plates from the kitchen.

Harry was still working on his speech. More frequently than he cared to admit, he'd be forced into silence when the words just would not come. Images flashed in his mind's eye, but the words to describe them would be missing. Writing, thankfully, was easier, and when he got frustrated enough, he'd pull out a slim notebook from his jacket pocket and attempt to wrangle the words onto the page.

If it wasn’t for Merlin... Harry didn’t like to think of how much worse he’d be without Merlin. Harry had always been a confident man. Merlin liked to affectionately call him his pet peacock, strutting around waiting for all eyes to turn to him. But he didn't feel confident anymore. He felt battered and tired, and certainly not worthy of Merlin’s attention and devotion.

One evening, Merlin caught Harry rubbing at his forearm absently, scowling. The facial reconstruction had required a skin graft and they had taken from his left arm, wrist to elbow. The scaring was fading, but it had become an ugly visual reminder of what he had gone through in Kentucky, constantly drawing his attention so he could never fully forget.

“Why don’t ye get a tattoo to cover it?” Merlin asked. He covered Harry’s hand with his own, stilling it. “At least then you’d have a reason for running your fingers all over it.”

Harry cocked his head towards Merlin. He’d never considered getting a tattoo before. As a field agent, he couldn’t afford any identifying markings. But they both knew that going back into the field was not an option anymore. There had been rumblings in the organization of offering the Arthur position to Harry once he was fully recovered. If so, he would be guaranteed the remainder of his time at Kingsman to be behind a desk and not behind a gun.

“I’d not thought of it before. Is that something that you’d like?”

“I can’t say I haven’t thought of ye with ink of yer own. But it’d need to be your decision, regardless of how I feel. Think about it.” Merlin let his fingertip slip from Harry’s hand and up his arm, pulling a shiver down Harry’s spine as it barely brushed over his shoulder and up his neck. He cupped Harry’s cheek, and leaned in to press their lips together tenderly, asking permission with a gentle press of his tongue. The scars and the tattoo were quickly forgotten amongst Merlin’s worship of his agent.

But afterwards, he did think on it. Harry spent his free time, of which he had plenty, considering the sting of the needle against his scar tissue. He thought about how bright the colors might look on his skin and how Merlin might react to him once he got one.

He considered, and mulled, and contemplated, and generally over thought the whole thing until he decided that it couldn’t hurt to get a consultation with Merlin’s boy and see if it really was what he wanted.

And so that lead him to following Merlin into the studio to meet Eggsy. As they walked towards the back and the consultation room, Harry’s grip on Merlin’s hand tightened. Harry had never felt as out of his element as he did now, following this boy.

Once the three of them were seated around the desk, Eggsy pulled out a sketchbook and pencil, glancing briefly at Merlin before he turned towards Harry.

“So, guv, do you have any other ink?”

“No,” was Harry’s curt reply. A firm squeeze to his hand had him letting out a heavy sigh. “My job wouldn’t allow for it. But since this,” he freed his hand from Merlin’s and waved it in front of his face, “it looks like it won’t be an issue any longer.” He clasped his hands in his lap, and a furrow developed along his brow.

Eggsy pulled the notebook closer, and his pencil hovered over the page. “A’ight. What did ya have in mind to get then?”

Harry stared at his hands and the pregnant pause grew. Finally he let out a tense, barking laugh. “Lachlan suggested that I get something to cover up some of the scarring from my skin graft.” He rubbed his forearm absently. “But honestly, I don’t know if I’m here for him or for myself. I’ve always admired Lachlan’s tattoos, but I don’t know yet what one would mean for me.”

Harry continued to stare at his hands until he heard Eggsy’s pencil drop against the desk. He looked up to see Eggsy lift his shirt slowly up over his head, giving Harry an eyeful of his back. Strong shoulders and sharp shoulder blades gave way to the top of his firm arse. His low slung jeans accentuated the two gorgeous dimples at the base of his spine. Low on the back of his neck was a bird, black wings dripping ink, wearing a golden crown. Along his flank, an abstract splatter of red and black ink leaking out of his side.

Harry inhaled sharply, jealousy and arousal waring for space in his chest. He glanced over at Merlin to find him transfixed at the sight before him. Harry had never been jealous over Merlin’s attention, he’d always known where Merlin’s devotion lay. But there was no denying that this boy was attractive, and Harry wondered how an old, broken man like himself could compete. While there were a great many things that he no longer remembered from before V-Day, Merlin’s value of the boy was something he clearly recalled. 

And what of his own base attraction? Before V-Day, Harry would have flirted shamelessly with the boy, confident not only in his ability to tease Eggsy, but in returning home with Merlin at his side. Now, how could he hope to entice a boy, when he felt so uncertain about his own partner.

Harry was pulled from his thoughts as Eggsy turned around, throwing the shirt to the corner of the desk. From Eggsy’s sternum to his armpit, across the right side of his chest, was a bouquet of daisies. It was a simple tattoo, with curving stems and delicate leaves. But underneath, faded but still puckered, were dozens of small scars. They pulled at the tattoo, not detracting from the image, but visible to a trained eye like Harry’s.

Eggsy stepped closer and knelt down in front of Harry. “My younger sister, Daisy, woke up from a nightmare, screaming an’ crying. I went to her as fast as I could, but it wasn’t fast enough. My step dad was pissed, and he crashed into her room. I managed to get him focused on me and back out into the front while my mum got ‘em locked in her room. He stabbed me 8 times with a broken bottle, but he never got a hand on her.”

Eggsy picked up Harry's hand from where it had been clutched in his lap and placed it over the tattoo. Harry flushed at the feeling of warm flesh under his fingers. He could sense Merlin’s eyes on the scene before him, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Eggsy to meet Merlin’s gaze.

“I got this tattoo not just to cover the scars, but as a reminder of who I got them for.” Eggsy glanced over at Merlin, some emotion flitting behind his eyes that Harry couldn't catch before he looked back at Harry. “Whatever the story behind your scars is, you can remake it into something more than just the pain the scars remind you of.”

A beat passed with Harry’s hand still pressed between the boy’s palm and chest. Harry stared at the flowers peaking out from under his fingers and let out a shuddering breath. After a moment more, Eggsy carefully lowered his hand and pulled away. Standing up and walking back around the desk, Eggsy grabbed his shirt and slid it back over his head as he sat back down in his chair. He reached out, palm up across the desk. “May I see?”

Harry swallowed, then nodded once. He stood up and shed his jacket, carefully placing it on the back of his chair to keep it from wrinkling. Eggsy watched thoughtfully, reminded of how similar this was to the first time he’d done this for Lachlan. Harry removed his cufflinks and carefully tucked them away in his pocket, then folded his sleeve up to his elbow. He sat back down in his chair and placed his wrist, palm up, into Eggsy’s hand.

With a calm expression, Eggsy turned Harry's wrist back and forth. With his other hand, he ran his thumb over the fading scars. The longer Eggsy looked at his arm, the more relaxed Harry became. Eggsy was gentle, he touched Harry's skin with understanding. There was care in the way he took in the mess that was his arm. None of the clinical and detached observations of his doctors, or the restrained pain that even Merlin couldn't hide when he caught sight of it. Harry thought about this boy and the horrors he must have experienced in his short life to allow him to look at Harry like that - no pain or pity or questions, just comfort and understanding.

Eggsy squeezed Harry's wrist before setting it back down against the desk. “You've healed quite well. The scarring is minimal. You had a very skilled surgeon. There shouldn't be any issues tattooing over it.” He picked up his pencil again as Harry dropped his arm back down to his lap. “Do you have any ideas at all of what you might want done?”

Harry looked over to Merlin and thought about the changes in himself and in the organization he had plead, and nearly given, his life to. “You might have noticed when you visited the house that I'm particularly fond of butterflies.”

Eggsy leaned back in his seat and let out a full bodied laugh that has both Merlin and Eggsy smiling before they even realize they are. “Yeah, guv, they were kind of hard to miss. Never seen anything like it, to be honest.”

Harry snorted before he was able to pull his expression back into something more dignified. “Yes, well, perhaps it might be appropriate to find a way to incorporate a chrysalis into the design. Otherwise, I don't think that I have any preferences.”

Eggsy tapped his pencil a couple of times on the sketchbook, eyes unfocused as he thought. Looking up, he caught and held Harry's eyes. “Do you trust me?”

Harry looked back at Eggsy and a snap of electricity seemed to spark between them. “Yes,” he replied without hesitation.

\--

From his chair next to Harry, Merlin raised an eyebrow but said nothing. The interaction between Harry and Eggsy had been nothing like he'd predicted. The range of emotions he'd seen pass through Harry was unusual for a man who had once been in control of exactly what people saw when they looked at him.

Harry didn’t trust people. Life as a spy had ingrained in him a general distrust of most things. When someone did gain his trust, it was never fast, never with so much genuine emotion bleeding through. There was more lingering there under the surface, more than just Harry trusting Eggsy to come up with the right design. At the thought, Merlin felt a warmth in his chest he had not been expecting.

Merlin watched as Eggsy started sketching, pencil making quick work along the page in front of him. He turned his head and caught Harry's expression as he did the same. He looked relaxed, and curious, and perhaps genuinely at ease for one of the first times since he had awoken from his coma.

Merlin sat back in his chair as the two of them tossed ideas back and forth, broken up by Eggsy's sketching. A smile spread across his face and he wondered if this might be something that he could enjoy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just to clarify, Merlin is very much NOT going to leave Harry, and he’s working hard to try and help Harry adjust to his new reality. He can’t help that he’s subconsciously attracted to Eggsy, but he is in no way acting on it, or doing anything to make Harry feel LESS. But Harry is too messed up to see any of that now. Depression and anxiety are awful.
> 
> Okay, on to the world building notes!
> 
> [Inspiration](https://65.media.tumblr.com/3200a79e7f89f5e6eaa8cd36004ed7f5/tumblr_o7bzxkWSVA1ru193fo1_500.jpg) for Eggsy's sketch of Merlin.
> 
> [Harry's cane](http://www.elderluxe.com/mobility/walking-sticks-and-canes/crook-canes/bond-street-leather-handle-cane/), although I was sorely tempted to use [this one](http://www.elderluxe.com/mobility/walking-sticks-and-canes/opera-handle-and-pistol-grip-walking-canes/blackthorn-walking-cane-with-pistol-grip/).
> 
> The [bird](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/e3/38/90/e338908e1f73c765bf107d49093236cb.jpg) on Eggsy's neck, and the [ink](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/46/a9/18/46a918884afeb56216a7af96c8c25ea9.jpg) on Eggsy's side.
> 
> Eggsy's tattoo is a bouquet of daisys that look like [this](http://slodive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/daisy-tattoos/sketch-of-daisy.jpg).
> 
> If you're curious about the timeline for this fic, you can find many of the important dates so far in [this doc](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1q95ox1Y6eceCWgKL7aJ9Ixxp2EdnLeyS_OpyfANp34U/pub). For the sake of my sanity, I'm using the fan date for V-Day of Feb 14 (otherwise there wouldn't be enough time for all this stuff).
> 
> And if you want to see where Eggsy was when the signal went off, I've updated [the map](https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/edit?mid=1Li3GKBqqv6DtqkoAjCDAXMCy8tw) to show that and the Black Prince!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... It's been nearly two years since there has been an update to this fic. A lot has happened during that time -- many more fics started and quite a few of those finished, new fandoms joined, a new house moved into and a new writing schedule found. 
> 
> But the one thing that hadn't happened was the muses for this fic deciding to talk to me. They were decidedly quiet for a very long time, and I started to worry that they would never come back. However, with some careful encouragement from my friends [elletromil](http://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil) and [solrosan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/solrosan) I managed to coax the muses out and talking again. This chapter is dedicated to them.
> 
> Thanks to all of you who sent me kind comments and messages, and who didn't give up on me or this fic even when I nearly did. I hope that this chapter is as enjoyable as the rest of the story, and that I can continue to get the muses cooperation so we can see the end of it someday soon.

After the first consultation, Harry and Merlin walked back out to the front of the studio, Eggsy trailing behind them. Things had gone far better than he’d hoped, and Merlin could tell that Harry was leaving with far less anxiety than he’d come in with.

Merlin was the first to turn, and he smiled warmly at Eggsy. He didn't hesitate to reach out and pull Eggsy in for another hug. “It was so good to see ye again, lad.” 

As Merlin held him, he murmured near Eggsy’s ear. “Thank you for what ye said to Harry. Things have been... rough since he woke up from the coma, but your words seemed to have made a difference. This tattoo is going to help him even more, and I know that neither of us would want anyone other than you doing it.”

Eggsy squeezed back a little tighter and nodded his head. He felt the heat of a blush tinge his cheeks at both the words and the embrace.

When Merlin finally pulled away, Harry stepped forward. He and Eggsy stared at each other for just a moment before Eggsy put out his hand, a small but sincere smile on his face. Harry was quick to take his hand in both of his and give it a shake.

It couldn’t have been more different from the one they had shared just a few hours prior. Harry seemed calmer, almost reluctant to let go as he said “Thank you, Eggsy. I can see why Lachlan is so fond of you. I’m looking forward to next week.”

Merlin looked on with fervent eyes as Eggsy stood up straighter, confidence infusing his demeanor.

“Of course, ‘arry. It was nice ta meet ya,” Eggsy responded.

When Harry and Lachlan finally left the studio, hand in hand, they missed the way Eggsy watched them go -- peering intently out the plate glass window as they walked down the street, until they were finally out of sight. He lingered there for several more minutes before pulling himself together and walking back to his station.

The next day Harry called to book a second consultation, wanting to ensure that the final design Eggsy created was adjusted to best cover and work around the landscape of his arm. Eggsy had to smile when Jada delivered the message to him at his station. It was just like Lachlan to have a partner that was as meticulous with the details as himself.

The next week, Harry came on his own for the consultation. Eggsy greeted him with a smile and a handshake. When he looked around behind him for Merlin, Harry chuckled.

“I’m afraid it’s just me today. Lachlan was detained at work, and I don’t think that I need the chaperone anymore.”

Eggsy flushed. “Of course not. Come on back and we’ll get started.”

As they walked into the consultation room, Harry could already see the designs Eggsy had been working on for the past week laid out on the desk. He immediately stepped over and started sifting through the papers. He was surprised to find there were more than he’d expected.

Eggsy rounded the side of the desk and looked down at the sketches with an embarrassed smile.

“This is the one we worked on last time,” he said, pointing to one of the sheets. “But then the other day I came home from work to find Daisy watchin’ this show on the telly ‘bout butterflies, and I guess I got inspired.”

Harry smiled softly at the mention of Eggsy’s sister. Eggsy couldn’t say her name without his love and affection coming through in his tone, and Harry could only imagine the two of them sitting on the couch drawing butterflies together.

“That’s alright Eggsy,” he said as he looked at each image. “I’m curious to see what you came up with. Sometimes a little inspiration is all it takes to find exactly what we need.”

At the bottom of the pile Harry caught sight of a splash of color, and he dug to retrieve the sheet. He could feel Eggsy’s eyes on him as he pulled it free and then he froze, sheet held carefully in his hand. As soon he saw the entire image, he knew that he had to have it.

Hanging upside down from a cluster of flowers was a butterfly, its wings a facsimile of a pipevine swallowtail’s blacks and blues and oranges. But instead of the wings ending in the distinctive swallowtail shape, Harry’s eyes tracked them as they spilled down the page, like they were turning to ink or smoke. Disappearing. Rebuilding. Transforming.

It made Harry think of the tattoo on Eggsy’s side. Like Eggsy’s soul was exposed to the world and bleeding from him. Another look at the butterfly and Harry could feel the same thing. A transformation that had changed him, continued to change him, and exposed some part of him that he couldn’t keep contained any longer. And maybe he didn’t want to.

“This one. We need to work this one in.” His voice wasn’t as unaffected as he’d have liked it to be, and the part of his mind that had been a trained spy since he was in his twenties recoiled at the vulnerability he heard in himself.

He handed the sheet to Eggsy who gave him a knowing look before smiling softly. “I liked how this one turned out. So should we scrap the other ones?”

Harry got the feeling that if he’d done the same thing with a different artist, they would have immediately started asking him about his choice. But Eggsy was different, and it was as though he already knew the flurry of thoughts that were going through Harry’s mind about the image.

“No, no. This new one feels right. But I don’t want to scrap everything else. Is there a way we can incorporate the original design in with this one?”

Eggsy nodded and sat down behind the desk. “Yeah, ‘course we can.” Eggsy grabbed the other design and a blank sheet of paper and started taking elements of both and combining them.

While he worked, Harry moved his chair beside Eggsy’s and sat down to watch him. Eggsy’s intuition was sharp, seemingly knowing what Harry needed from this tattoo without him having to say much. Occasionally he’d point to the piece and make a suggestion, and Eggsy would nod and make the change. But mostly he just watched as Eggsy seemed to bring his tangle of thoughts alive on the page.

Absently, Harry rubbed the scars on his arm through his shirt. Focusing on the design was good, but it also brought with it the memories of Kentucky that he was trying so hard to move on from. He rubbed at his arm harder, eyes trained on the paper as Eggsy sketched, until Eggsy broke the silence and startled him from his brooding.

“So maybe I’m outta line, but if you need to talk about it, what happened, I can listen. I know we don’t really know each other that well, but Lachlan talks about you a lot and I feel like we’re already friends.”

Harry must have made a face -- not sure how to interpret the flutter in his stomach at the thought of Eggsy already thinking of him as more than just an acquaintance or that Lachlan was confiding in the boy about him -- because Eggsy’s eyes went wide and he immediately tried to backtrack.

“I-I don't know what happened, other than it happened during V-Day,” Eggsy stammered. “Lachlan never talked about it, and it wasn’t my place to ask. My V-Day experiences were probably nothing like yours. But...I know what it’s like to be surrounded by violence. How one event can change everything. Thought I might be able to relate to what happened to you.” 

Harry watched as Eggsy shrugged his shoulders and sunk a little bit into his chair.

That’s all it took for Harry to think of the daisies on Eggsy’s chest and the mention of the man that had caused the scars they covered. Eggsy wasn’t the only one that Merlin had talked to about the other. And that meant that Harry was no stranger to the name Dean Baker or to the violence that that bastard thought to inflict upon Eggsy.

When Merlin had talked about Eggsy, most of it was about the things that Eggsy brought up during their sessions. But Merlin had also, on the occasions that it happened, told him when Eggsy was hurt, or had the dark, sunken eyes of someone who wasn’t sleeping. The times when he flinched when he moved or when Merlin got too close too quickly.

The bits before V-Day were a patchwork, more feelings than memories of discussions with Merlin. But they lingered, reminding Harry of the concern he had for the boy, and that had become something more now.

As he looked at Eggsy now, Harry could see first hand just how much Dean Baker had affected Eggsy's life. And he could also see that the offer to listen wasn’t just a way for Eggsy to placate Harry, or to get him to open up so he could feel like he’d helped a broken old man. It was a way for Eggsy to open up too, even if he didn’t realize it. 

Harry had to wonder if the boy had ever actually talked about what had happened to him with anyone, or if he’d stubbornly refused every offer of help as people tried to force their way into matters that Eggsy thought weren’t any of their business.

Either way, Harry could see the offer for what it was. A way for both of them to talk about experiences they’d rather not talk about with anyone else. Even Merlin, having seen first hand what the signal caused him to do, couldn’t fully understand what it was like to have his control stripped away from him to make him nothing but a mindless killing machine. And he certainly couldn’t understand what it was like coming back so broken that he wasn’t even able to do the job that was everything to him, besides his partner.

Of course some of what he told Eggsy would have to be censored. There would be no other way to talk about what had happened. But despite that, Harry did something that he didn’t do with anyone other than Merlin -- he opened up.

“I was in the military before I started work at the tailor shop, along with your father and Lachlan. I saw my share of combat, and I know my way around a gun and a knife.” He watched Eggsy swallow hard at that and he quickly moved on.

“I was in America doing a special fitting for a client in Kentucky when the signal went off. My driver crashed us into the side of a hate church, and when I got free of the car… it was mayhem. When the signal finally stopped, I was laying on the asphalt of the parking lot, surrounded by bodies, with a bullet through my head.”

He waved his hand in front of his face, indicating the scars and the fake eye. Eggsy looked at him then, but there was no pity in his gaze, nor disgust, just acceptance of the facts as they were. 

“Plenty of people have told me that I shouldn’t feel bad. The people that attended that church were less than human, bringing fear and hate to everyone around them. But that’s inconsequential. They were still innocent in that moment, just as out of control as I was. And their deeds from before V-Day don’t wash their blood from my hands.”

Harry’s hands trembled in his lap, and he looked down at them, willing them to still.

“Lachlan keeps telling me how grateful he is that I survived, that I came back to him. But it doesn’t feel right, that I’m alive and they aren't. Worse still that I’ve come back with shaky hands and a weak leg and a brain that’s not quite right. I can’t even go back to my work at the tailor shop. No one would trust their suit with a man who can’t even cut a straight line.

Without that to hold on to, it seems as though there isn’t a whole lot left for me anymore.”

Eggsy reached out then, across the space between them to rest his hand over Harry’s own. The touch was so warm, and Harry looked up to stare into Eggsy’s earnest eyes.

“Fuck that, Harry. There is more left for you here than you think, more than some unknown after.”

Before Harry could respond, Eggsy pulled back and looked down at the sketch. “Change. Transformation. That’s what most people are gonna think when they see this. But we’re gonna know that it’s also a symbol of hope.”

“Hope?” Harry asked, and Eggsy nodded. 

“When I was watchin’ that show with Daisy, they explained that when a caterpillar goes into its cocoon, it’s like it digests itself. Dissolving away everything except for the few groups of cells that will transform it into a butterfly. But the transformation is a delicate process, and everything can get messed up if the cocoon is disturbed. All we can do is hope that everything goes properly. That despite the violent and messy way the process started, or maybe because of it, that in the end what emerges from the cocoon is beautiful, and exactly what it was always meant to be.”

Harry listened to Eggsy, and wondered how such an old soul could be found in such a young man. He nodded and was suddenly grateful that Lachlan had suggested this tattoo. He finally felt like it was the right thing for him, and Eggsy the perfect person to do this with.

He reached out to lay his hand on the sketch and smiled as he looked at it. “Then this is the right design.”

“This one it is then.” Eggsy grinned and grabbed the sheet from under Harry’s hand, their fingers brushing together slightly. “Let’s get a transfer made and make sure this is going to fit your arm.”

\--

That night when Merlin returned to the Mews, he found Harry sitting with one of his photo albums across his lap, slowly turning the pages and looking at each one of the pictures. Setting down his bag, Merlin crossed the room to him and knelt down beside his chair.

Peering over, he found it to be the first one that he’d ever put together. Looking up from the pages was the shy and awkward Harry that came out when they were alone, that had hated having his picture taken but did so anyways because he wanted to make Merlin happy.

Merlin didn’t say anything, just watched as Harry flipped through each of the pages.

“I was a different man back then,” Harry said. “But you helped me to change and become someone better.” He looked over at Merlin and smiled softly, a genuine thing that Merlin had missed seeing.

When Harry reached out and covered Merlin’s hand with his own, Merlin knew for first time since Kentucky that things might be alright. “And now I’ve realized I need to accept that I have to change again.” He brought Merlin’s hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles. “Talk to Morgana and make sure your duties are covered. Friday afternoon you and I will be unavailable. Eggsy is going to help me start that change, and you are going to be there with me when it happens.”

Merlin had no idea what happened at the consultation, but whatever it was had brought back some of Harry’s confidence. And that, he was sure, was thanks to Eggsy. 

Getting up on his knees, Merlin leaned in to kiss Harry’s forehead -- down over his scars and the fake eye -- slowly bringing his mouth to hover in front of Harry’s. “Consider it done, pet.”

It was Harry who closed the distance between their lips, licking hungrily into his mouth. But it was Merlin who swept the other man into his arms and guided him up and to their bed.

\--

Eggsy looked around his station and triple checked that he had everything he’d need within arms reach. A final glance at the clock told him that Harry and Lachlan would be here any moment, so he stood and made his way to the front of the studio.

He stopped beside Jada’s desk and started fidgeting anxiously with her decoration. She looked up at him with a knowing expression. “Keep it together, Eggsy. You’re going to rearrange my whole desk before they even get here.”

“Shut up,” Eggsy said with a smile, not phased by the fact that Jada recognized his nervous tick before he did. But the smile quickly fell away as he looked out the window at the people passing by on the street. His conflicted emotions over this appointment felt overwhelming, but he didn’t know how to deal with any of them.

He hadn’t meant to be so familiar with Harry at their consultation. But when Harry finally relaxed and opened up to him, he’d felt like he’d seen the Harry that Lachlan was in love with. 

Lachlan had been right, the two of them would get along easily. Maybe not in all the ways he had thought, but there was a connection between them, something shared about their experiences. And it had felt so good to see Harry’s real smile on his lips, to know that he and his work had put it there. He wanted to do that more, to be able to watch as both Harry and Lachlan gave those smiles together at him.

It’s those thoughts that turned the excitement and pleasure of Harry’s friendship into something heavy and sickening in the pit of his stomach. How much it would hurt him if he found out the extent of Eggsy’s feelings for Lachlan. And how Harry’s pain would hurt Eggsy as well now that he was developing feelings for him as well. 

(Oh god, he was attracted to Harry too. He couldn’t believe this was happening to him again).

But when their fingers had brushed over the top of his sketch, Eggsy’d felt the spark of electricity there and had know that he was even more doomed than before. 

The bell above the door pulled him from his thoughts, and he mentally shook himself as Lachlan and Harry stepped into the shop.

“Hello, lad. Good to see you.”

Eggsy was quick to step forward and pull the man into another hug. When they parted, Eggsy moved over and opened his arms to do the same for Harry. When Harry hesitated, Eggsy bit his tongue at his forwardness and started to move back. But before he could move far, Harry stepped closer and wrapped him in his arms. 

Harry was strong. Eggsy could feel the muscles underneath his jacket. He started to wonder just where else those muscles might be on his body, but he was quick to force his thoughts back under control. This was all he’d allow himself to get from the two men. But their importance in his life couldn’t be overlooked. If they were willing to indulge him with the chance to show his affection in the smallest of ways, he was going to take advantage of it.

The two of them stayed together for a beat longer than was proper before Eggsy cleared his throat and forced himself to step back. “It’s good to see ya both. Come on back, I’ve got everything ready.”

Harry slipped his hand into Lachlan’s and smiled warmly at Eggsy. 

“Lead the way then,” he said and Eggsy grinned as he brought them back to his station, nerves settled and replaced by excitement. Eggsy was going to do everything in his power to make sure he got the chance to see more of Harry’s smile, and right then it meant giving him his very first tattoo.

\--

Surprisingly, the initial sting of the needle made him flinch. Not because of the pain, exactly -- the needle was nothing compared to being stabbed in the side or shattering the bones in his arm or being shot in the face -- but because it immediately kicked his body into well trained hyperalertness.

Harry sat up straighter, his heart beating slightly faster, and looked around the room as though searching for some unknown danger. Of course Merlin, as observant as any of the knights, noticed the change right away.

He knew better than to touch him, but he did move closer, well in his line of sight.

“I don’t know if you’ve discussed the history of that butterfly with Eggsy, but I know I’ve yet to be given such a chance. Tell me more about it. Why that one?”

Harry settled a little, Merlin’s voice taking the edge off just like it did when he was on a mission.

“It was actually Eggsy’s choice, but I knew it was a good one as soon as I saw it.”

Eggsy smiled over Harry’s arm as he took a deep breath and started in on the background of the pipevine swallowtail. He listened intently to Harry as he talked, Lachlan interjecting on occasion and both of them encouraging him when he’d ask a question or repeat something he remembered from the tv program. 

He enjoyed the way they talked to each other -- familiar and engaged even though Eggsy suspected that Lachlan’s interest in butterflies only went as far as his partners obsession.

It was effortless to let himself get drawn into their easy chatter, however. The conversation moved from butterflies and drifted across topics. Eggsy found himself talking more and more, until he was telling the two men about things like his failed past in gymnastics, Daisy and his mother, even his occasional run ins with the law. All things he rarely talked about with anyone, even friends, and never with clients.

While they talked, the tattoo slowly began to take shape. About two hours into the outline, Harry started letting out grunts of discomfort and shifting minutely in his seat.

“It’s alright ‘arry. Tattooing over scars is always a bit more intense than normal. I’ll just finish up the outline since it’s almost done and then we can take a break before I start in on the colors.”

“Thank you, Eggsy,” Harry said tightly. “A break would be appreciated.”

Silence fell over the room, except for the buzz of the needle, as Eggsy worked quickly and efficiently to finish the outline.

The first thing Harry did when Eggsy turned off the needle was to let out a slow breath from his nose. He brought his arm up so he could take a closer look, and Eggsy watched him from the corner of his eye as he cleaned his tools and stripped off his gloves.

Harry brought his right hand up to hover over the tattoo, a look Eggsy couldn’t quite decipher on his face. When Eggsy finally turned back towards him, Harry pinned him in place with his look.

“It’s not often that I’m at a loss for words, Eggsy. It’s perfect so far. Thank you.”

Merlin hummed beside him and leaned forward to lay a hand on Eggsy’s shoulder.

“Some of your best work lad,” Lachlan said. “You’ve improved since our last session.”

Eggsy felt his face flush hot even as he broke out in a grin. “I’m glad ya both like it. But it’ll look even better when we get that color on it. Why don’t ya go and get a cuppa from Jada. I’m gonna go stretch my legs and when you’re done we can get to the good stuff.”

Merlin turned to Harry with a soft smile and stood to offer his arm. “That’s a fine idea lad. Come on Harry, a cup to keep our hands busy is just what we need. I’m starting to understand why you’re preoccupied when I come back from a session.”

Harry chuckled softly, and the two of them shared a look filled with love with an edge of heat that had Eggsy finding himself responding to as well. He averted his eyes as the two of them moved towards the front, hoping they didn’t notice the way he shifted on his stool or the flush on his neck.

But that also meant he didn’t see the way that both of them glanced back at him, similar expressions sent his way as well.

When they were gone, Eggsy quickly escaped out the back door, turning his face to the bright sun and breathing in the cool, crisp air as he tried to force down all the feelings he suddenly found balled up in his chest.

Fifteen minutes later they were all back in their seats and Eggsy had just dipped his needle into the blue paint. A look in Harry’s direction saw the man with a smile, arm outstretched towards Eggsy with hand open as though reaching for him to take it, his other hand already clasped between Lachlan’s. He gave Eggsy a nod, and Eggsy smiled and gave him one in return before bending over his arm and starting again

It was dark outside when Eggsy added the final spot of color, and Merlin leaned in close to see his work. Eggsy pulled away and wiped at Harry’s arm with a cloth before turning it so he and his partner could see it.

“Well, how’d I do?” He said it with an air of nonchalance, but both Harry and Merlin could tell that he was nervous about their reactions. Eggsy knew he had gotten better with his color work, but there was always the chance that it wouldn’t meet the same expectations that his linework did.

Harry took a moment, staring at the work and twisting his arm to see it at all different angles. Finally he looked up and gave Eggsy a look filled with pleasure and satisfaction.

“You captured everything I wanted, Eggsy,” Harry said. “I couldn’t be happier with the result. Thank you.”

Eggsy sat up straighter at the praise, a grin breaking out across his face.

“Before you wrap it, lad, I’d just like to take a few pictures,” Lachlan said.

Eggsy wiped his hands and pushed his stool back and out of the way. “‘Course. Be my guest.”

From the small bag that Lachlan had brought in with him, he pulled out a camera. It was a different shape to any Eggsy’d seen before, and looked old. The metal casing showed its age and use, even though it was clearly cared for. As Eggsy watched, Merlin angled Harry’s arm in the light and adjusted the lens before taking the shot, meticulous in the way he presented Harry’s arm.

When he pressed the lever on top of the camera to advance the film, Eggsy realized that this was something more than just a passing hobby, and it opened up a whole set of questions Eggsy wanted to ask the man.

For several minutes Eggsy just watched as Lachlan took picture after picture. But when Lachlan finally moved back and started to put his camera away, he forced himself into action. With practiced ease, Eggsy stepped forward and began the task of cleaning and wrapping the finished tattoo. 

He took his tube of antibacterial ointment and squeezed a small amount onto his fingers. Normally, Eggsy would wear a fresh set of gloves as he did this. But the temptation to feel Harry’s skin under his fingers was too great. So with deliberate slowness Eggsy began rubbing the ointment into the tattoo.

Harry’s eyes were still on Merlin and his camera when Eggsy first touched his skin, and he gasped at the feel of the cool cream quickly melting into the sharp heat of Eggsy fingers. Harry’s eyes snapped over to Eggsy and his breath hitched as he watched the way Eggsy took care of his arm, something so familiar to the way he did it that reminded Harry of Merlin.

Finished with his camera, Merlin stood up and took in the electricity in the room. Something about Eggsy seemed to draw out the confidence that it had taken Merlin so long to build in Harry. Seeing how them being together brought back the Harry he hadn’t seen since V-Day had his heart swell with pride for Eggsy and love for Harry. And somewhere in the back of Merlin’s mind, he conceded that it made him feel even fonder of the lad.

Eggsy put the last strip of tape on the wrap and then pulled away. “There ya go, Harry. You’re all set. I’d give you the care instructions, but I’m sure that Lachlan has them all memorized at this point.”

Lachlan chuckled and nodded. “I’ll be sure that he takes good care of it lad.”

There was an awkward shuffle as Eggsy let them gather their things to leave. Now that their session was over, he suddenly realized that he had no idea when, or even if, he would be given the opportunity to see Harry again. He didn’t want to think about how much that realization hurt.

He opened his mouth to give them a final goodbye when Lachlan turned around and spoke first, hand pressed to the small of Harry’s back.

“Thank you, Eggsy, for everything you’ve done for the both of us in the past few months. Perhaps, if you aren’t busy, you’d agree to join us for a pint tomorrow night. I’m not sure when either of us will be back for another tattoo, but I think that both of us would enjoy it if we could spend some more time together outside of the studio as well.”

A look of surprise crossed Harry’s face as he glanced at Merlin, but it quickly morphed to one of agreement as he smiled and nodded his head. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about what would happen to his burgeoning friendship with Eggsy after his tattoo was complete, but as always Merlin was one step ahead.

“Yeah, alright,” Eggsy said, trying desperately to keep his excitement at being asked to join them from showing. “I’m not doing anything tomorrow. And it’s about time that I finally get to see just how well you can hold your drink when you aren’t dead tired.”

Merlin grinned, pleased to be helping Harry keep up the kind of connection that clearly he had been missing, and selfishly getting to spend more time with Eggsy himself.

“Tomorrow then. Eight o’clock. I’ll text you the address of the pub.”

They said their goodbyes, hugs given to Eggsy by both of them, and when the bell chimed over the door as they finally left, Eggsy sank back down onto his stool. He couldn’t believe Harry’s tattoo was over, but that, tentatively, there seemed to be a chance for something new to start in its place. Eggsy looked up at the ceiling and forced himself to remember that this time it was even more important that he push down his feelings, and make sure that he didn’t do anything to risk a friendship between all three of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> World building notes!
> 
> [Pipevine Swallowtail butterflies](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5151cdd0e4b01fd1f707cf24/57c74636197aea1d69a8e74f/59b037399f745650b3ecc4eb/1507088209742/SwallowtailButterflies.crop1.web.jpg?format=500w)
> 
> Inspiration for the [dripping ink butterfly](http://findtattoodesign.net/images/design/transforming-butterfly.jpg) for Harry's tattoo
> 
> Harry's full piece looks something like [this](https://tattooviral.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/tattoo-trends-caterpillar-transformation-sketch-style-tattoo-by-kamilmokot-the-lines-are-ir.jpg), but in the reverse order so the dripping butterfly is at the bottom.
> 
> Merlin's camera is a [Nikon F3](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikon_F3)

**Author's Note:**

> Come join me on [my tumblr](http://insanereddragon.tumblr.com/) for story snippets and other fandom goodness.


End file.
